Is this any way to start a new year?
It’s 1:54pm and Dave is snoring on the floor, the dogs alternating sniffing him like roadkill and swaying to the rhythm of his rattle. Gretta’s gone sledding with a friend and Emma is glued to Spongebob eating goldfish straight out of the box and I’ve been trying to knit this New Year’s Eve hangover away for hours. I’ve got a fat beefstick in my mouth, cigar-style, and no my friends that is neither metaphor nor euphemism. I’m waiting for Dave to wake up and watch Emma watch Spongebob so that I can fall asleep myself, roll this day up like a soiled rug and toss it in the yard.
But this is the day for resolutions, right? The day for taking stock and aiming high! I love a good list like I love yarn and chocolate and books and yet I balk, too, both at the idea of cataloging my faults for public consumption and at the image of squeezing myself into a cheerleading skirt, shaking my perky pompoms in your face. Go 2-0! Win big ’10! 2-0-1-0 let’s be-gin!
The truth is there are a few things about myself I’m really struggling with, things I’d like to change, and a day like this makes you think about those things and thinking about hard things sucks when you’re missing a few key braincells and you’ve got beef stick breath. I don’t really want to talk about them here because unfortunately I think I’m becoming even more cynical about public sharing after a couple of weird experiences lately and I’m feeling cautious, protective, gun-shy. Then again, oh, Lord, how I’d love to ease up on myself about this space, in terms of craft. I’d love to go back to basics a bit and trust that my voice is interesting enough to you without the shimmery gift wrap, and hell, maybe I’ll even post more than two or three times a month if I’m not constantly thinking about bedazzling the butts of your jeans with precious hard jewels of words. I also want to stop flogging myself for not properly keeping up with all of the lives of you out there in the ether. For about a year I’ve been calling myself a “terrible blog reader” but maybe I could change the label on my chest to “Really busy person who means well, I promise.” Maybe I could change a lot of the labels I slap on myself. Wouldn’t that be nice? Or, you know, maybe I could learn to not care quite so much what other people think. Ha!
Most of all it just sucks to wake up on the very first day of a brand new decade feeling like the inside of Shrek’s intestines. This was a perfectly preventable moment and yes, I had a ridiculously good time last night, but I’d like to come to a place where I can truly believe that this brand of fun can be made without blindly following the pied piper of alcohol so illegal it can only be smuggled in by your visiting-from-another-country friend. (For instance.) Or, you know, the $10 bottles of wine lined up like sentries in my kitchen, attending and defending the front lines of my social anxiety and perfectionism and boredom and procrastination and creative muse whenever I give the signal. I need a good long detox, in so many ways, of so many things.
Emma just shook herself out of her Spongebob coma and requested I play with her, so I’m gonna slither off the couch and crawl army-style on my belly over to the Swan Princess Castle and continue on with the faking of this wasted day in the hopes that maybe, please yes and thank you, I can be proud of the other 364 to come.
To beginnings.
pgoodness says:
Sometimes the best beginnings are slow and easy. At least that is what I am telling myself as I lounge around and play on my blogs.
January 1st, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Mr Lady says:
I can’t make a resolution, because my entire life needs resolution. I’m attempting to change the way I see, treat, and speak of myself this year. It’s HARD.
I hope you can come to the place where you can leave the ideas of “expectation” behind and know that we…well, this girl, at least….don’t want bedazzled jeans. Hungover, knitting, beef breath Maggie is quite enough for me.
Prepping to love you even more in ’10
~S
January 1st, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Mr Lady says:
(PS: This is your pass in 2010 to never, ever have to read my blog. Please print this pass and keep it for your records.)
January 1st, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Sari Judge says:
Maggie, New Years Day is for taking personal inventory (which you’ve done beautifully) and crafting your resolve. Action can, and perhaps should, wait until tomorrow.
January 1st, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Ann says:
and here’s to nodding at bad days and hangovers and ugliness, zipping up our parkas and walking our path.
I’m a few paces over, but you don’t know it’s me. All you see is a Land’s End Yeti.
January 1st, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Fran says:
Cheers! {tips an empty wine glass}
January 1st, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Bejewell says:
If I have a resolution, it’s to be a better “blog reader” myself, to participate more, because honestly I think the thing I used to love about blogging so much that I’m missing now is the sense of community I had before. I still have it to an extent, but an imaginary razor has been shaving off little pieces of it this year. Every blog drama, twitter drama, bad day of stats, post with fewer comments than I expected — that razor would take another swipe. I’ve only held on to a few blogs as regular reads (yours being one of them)… maybe I need to get back to basics myself, and start engaging a little more than I have been. You do seem to get out what you put in, in this crazy electronic world of ours.
All my very, very best for a happy and healthy 2010, Maggie!
January 1st, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Jett says:
‘Bedazzling the butts of your jeans…’ was just so pornographic and titillating-sounding. It made me barky with the laughs.
Happy New Year, gorgeous. You are adequate to the task, and that’s all you have to be.
January 1st, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Lee says:
Oh Maggie…even when you think you’re not, you are always bedazzling to me. Perspective is key in these situations and we are shitty blog readers…but I do line your means well label. I mean well too.
Your first day of ’10 sounds like a smashing success…whenever I can play with swans and castles, I consider my day a good one.
And if you DID read my blog regularly, I would be mortified.
Can’t wait to see you…,
January 1st, 2010 at 2:33 pm
pamela ~ the dayton time says:
hear, here.
here, here.
or whatever.
January 1st, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Unfinished Rambler says:
I hear you on the terrible blog reader — and commenter. I think this might be my first time commenting here…or maybe second. In my defense, I don’t think you’re as active as some bloggers recently. But that’s okay, at least you’re funnier than half of them. Yep, the other half are funnier than you
Okay, not really, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention…which of course, you’re not because you have a few missing brain cells and are more worried about your beef stick breath…which, whew, you should be. Anyway, here’s to a new year where I may or may not stop by from time to time to read your crazy ramblings.
January 1st, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Mad Woman says:
Ahhh the labels we put on ourselves. Honestly, I think that you need to do whatever makes YOU happy. The people who read your blog, like me, will keep coming back to check in. And the people who write the blogs YOU read? Well, they can just deal, can’t they?
Happy New Year….it’ll look up!
January 1st, 2010 at 3:43 pm
Ellen says:
Oh how we love those precious hard jewels of words, but I don’t think you could be anything but interesting – no matter how hard you tried. Thanks for the chuckles. HAPPY NEW YEAR.
January 1st, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Erika says:
I liked your blog just fine before you bedazzled my butt with precious hard jewels. Be who you are, man. Resolutions are bunk.
January 1st, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Vicky says:
Well dang… don’t you know by now we come here for YOU… and you are in your words always, fancy or dressed down, casual if you will. Yes, come all barefaced without a hint of make-up on, or with beef stick breath… just come.
The irony to me is I that when you do bedazzle the butt of my jeans, I feel like the gift is getting to read your words for free… not that you owe me anything beyond the pleasure of reading. But I see you, regardless of the form your words take.
Cheers to 2010!
January 1st, 2010 at 4:06 pm
Madge says:
well, i bought one bottle of champagne and it is still in the fridge unopened — because at 10:00 i realized it was just a waste of time. made it till 12:00, but barely.
having the bubbly tonight and the cornbread tomorrow. way to start the year, a day late. and way more than a dollar short.
January 1st, 2010 at 4:07 pm
abdpbt says:
This is pretty damn bedazzling as it is, Maggie.
January 1st, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Shieldmaiden96 says:
Maggie, I need to detox from a lot of things too. So I started 2010 with a box. A bright cardboard box of ‘contractor bags’, the sort of big-ass black trashbags that can handle the detritus of a decade; old this, too small that, ‘hate this’ things. I’m starting the decade by Throwing It Out and letting space and order and peace into my life. I may not have it within my power to have some kind of spectacular personal revolution but I can create a space for myself that is orderly, peaceful, and clean. What comes after that is what comes.
January 1st, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Corinne says:
The fine balance of what you share vs. what you keep private is such a huge struggle. There’s something about letting it all out – it’s therapeutic to be an open book, but also terrifying, especially if it turns out badly.
I’ve only started reading your blog recently, but I love it all. Dont’ worry about knocking our socks off, just write. We love to read
January 1st, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Aunt Becky says:
Cheers. To new beginnings. And to feeling…more human.
January 1st, 2010 at 6:33 pm
racheld says:
I’ll forever read Maggie, whatever the motivation, whatever the subject. Buttbeads or no, it’s the best game in town.
And I want to BE Shieldmaiden.
rachel
January 1st, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Elly Lou says:
So giddy to read more of you in 2010. If only I could get the wine stains off of my molars…
January 1st, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Joh says:
I love your writing. Do it when you can:-)
January 1st, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Elizabeth (@claritychaos) says:
Maggie – come as you are. Twitter lights up when you walk in the room. I’m not even kissing your ass here.
Honestly, lady.
People love to hear from you, whether writing conversationally or blowing us away with something you’ve worked to deliver.
I’ll second Mr. Lady up there, and let you know that I’ll never expect you to keep up with my blog. I’d rather catch up over coffee or wine anyway.
So glad we’ve connected, Maggie. Happy New Year.
January 1st, 2010 at 7:10 pm
sweetsalty kate says:
It’s kind of weird how every year, I note talk of ‘resolutions’ like I’m hearing or reading it through cotton balls, like it doesn’t apply to me. Like I’m outside it all somehow. That would because I’ve never really declared and accomplished anything – not deliberately, from the start.
Now, I have to. And it’s freaking me out so much I’m actually spending time on gofugyourself in an effort to hide from it.
Just waving from within my wasted day into yours. Except I’m feeling a bit frantic about it being wasted. Feeling, not doing anything about it. Still. I can relate.
January 1st, 2010 at 7:47 pm
arizaphale says:
“bedazzling the butts of your jeans with precious hard jewels of words.”
Hahahahahah! You crack me up!
I completely relate to this post because although I am not a writer, I am a drinker and a procrastinator of renown. Let me know if you find any cures in the next 364 thanks.
January 1st, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Kelly says:
I think sometimes we need a slither and army crawl to remember you’re human and as perfectly imperfect as the rest of us.
To the next 364.
January 1st, 2010 at 8:53 pm
A Free Man says:
I’ve been perfecting that army crawl off the couch to play with the boy during the holidays.
January 1st, 2010 at 9:19 pm
flutter says:
did someone say spongebob?
January 1st, 2010 at 11:34 pm
headbang8 says:
“Then again, oh, Lord, how I’d love to ease up on myself about this space, in terms of craft. I’d love to go back to basics a bit and trust that my voice is interesting enough to you without the shimmery gift wrap, and hell, maybe I’ll even post more than two or three times a month”
Yes.
Cheers!
January 2nd, 2010 at 3:52 am
kris says:
“attending and defending the front lines of my social anxiety and perfectionism and boredom and procrastination and creative muse whenever I give the signal”
PERFECTION.
January 2nd, 2010 at 9:31 am
deb says:
I don’t know what to add.
Other than life is complicated and poetry and boring and over the top make me cry incredible.
And if you share a peek into any of it for me… I’m a better person.
and if you don’t , I’m assuming because you’re working on your person , for better or worse.
Seems to me , you are the real deal, Maggie. That ‘s enough to take my breath away in this crazed world of ours.
January 2nd, 2010 at 10:27 am
Mojo,NC,USA says:
If you actually need a new collection of labels to paste on yourself, come visit Mojo’s House of Labels. I’ve got lots of them made just for you. Over here we have a wide selection of “wonderful’s”, and just to the left of those is an assortment of “beautiful’s”. And of course, we have more specialized ones like “talented’s” and “inspiring’s”. Or for no additional charge, we can create custom ones just for you.
Or maybe — just spitballing here — maybe you could strip away the labels altogether. A naked, labelless-ness. I rather like that idea and not just because it conjures images of you with a staple in your navel. (Oh shit. Did I say that out loud? Well, you did start it… with all that pom-pom talk.)
But really girl? The only label that will ever fit you is the one that says “Maggie”. And it’s the only one you’ll ever need.
Because that one? Is good enough for anyone.
Much love to you and yours in 2010, sis.
January 2nd, 2010 at 10:58 am
Denise says:
Oh, I could have written that third paragraph. Well, not as well as you did… and maybe not the beefstick breath part… But your desire to ease up on yourself a bit and not worry so much about what other people think is one that I share. I’ve been writing about this very thing, in various forms, since last spring. Speaking for myself only, it’s such a struggle to just let go of the expectations I place on myself because of what other people *might* think if I do or don’t do something. I am 34 years old, and if I don’t learn how to do this now, I don’t know that I ever will.
Also, I’m not very well versed blogosphere etiquette, but I never expect someone whose blog I read or comment on to reciprocate on my blog. There’s just too much out there to discover, read, and follow. Again, speaking for myself only, I don’t read your blog hoping that you’ll read mine. I read your blog because I’m interested in what you have to say, whether your words “bejewel the butt of [my] pants” (that’s BRILLIANT, btw!) or not.
I wish you much peace and joy in the coming year.
January 2nd, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Carolyn Online says:
Sometimes I wonder who made the rules where blogs are concerned. I mean you shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t go visit everyone who has visited you. Because there’s no rule about it. You aren’t breaking any promises. It just is what it is. You have to cut yourself some slack. I cut myself a bit too much slack… but I’m ok with that.
Happy New Year, Maggie!
January 2nd, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Emily says:
At least you HAD a hangover!
January 2nd, 2010 at 6:07 pm
David Levine says:
Oh Maggie, you can write no wrong. Ugh. At this point the frequency with which you post here matches up perfectly with when I come here looking for your latest thoughts …
Sending you happy thoughts to get through the rest of the winter and on into twenty ten.
January 2nd, 2010 at 7:04 pm
heather says:
But, you got a bedazzler, so your outfits tight.
January 3rd, 2010 at 11:08 pm
heidi says:
To beginnings.
January 4th, 2010 at 2:11 am
Sugar Jones says:
Cracking up thinking about you dragging yourself off of the couch. Oh New Year’s. Well, yours sounded a lot more exciting than mine. The kids *made* me stay up until midnight. We used to get away with celebrating east coast time… 9 our time. Not so lucky this year. Oh well.
January 4th, 2010 at 10:38 pm
jenni says:
I relate. So much. I want to bedazzle, but damn if it doesn’t get in the way of just plain writing.
Glad I found you , just now. Looking forward to whatever you find to say, jewel-less or encrusted.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
schmutzie says:
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday! http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2010/01/five-star-fridays-edition-89.html
January 29th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
blues says:
honestly? best new years post i´ve read. yeah, i´m a little late catching up because i´ve got those same labels, so what? i always want to be around.
January 30th, 2010 at 1:44 pm