In Memoriam (cross-posted at Violence UnSilenced)
The post below also appears at Violence UnSilenced today, where I normally post two survivor stories each week. I am posting it here in the hopes that if there are any of you out there who are not yet reading and supporting the contributors on Violence UnSilenced, well… you’ll start.
:::
When I was in eighth grade I was jealous of this girl named Tracy. She attended a neighboring school and she was beautiful; long, dark hair, gorgeous eyes, thin. Our basketball teams played against each other and I used to watch her from my usual spot on the bench while my boyfriend watched her from the crowd. I wanted to be her. In that teenage angsty way, I wanted her life. I thought she had everything.
Four days ago, Tracy’s body was found in the trunk of her own car, along with the body of her two-year-old daughter. Across town, another beautiful young woman and her own 2-year-old daughter were found shot to death. The suspect, still at large, is the father of both dead children.
Today I’m feeling wretchedly grateful for a life that is mine, not anyone else’s. But I have to admit something awful. In times like this, my faith in what we’re doing on Violence UnSilenced is shaken.
I’ve had a few days to stew inside this and I think, the older I get, the better I understand that faith is something that needs to be actively nurtured. You can’t just ignore it and expect it to be there when you need it. Much like love, it has to be nearly lost over and over again so that you’ll appreciate it, so that you’ll really know its worth. We have to want faith, actively fight for it, like a privilege instead of a right. We have to scrape ourselves out of bed when we just don’t want to. We have to stand up and fight another day.
Yes, I think I lost my faith for a few hours this weekend. Maybe even a day or two. But I am getting it together and I am working hard to believe and I am remembering every brave, gracious word ever printed on Violence UnSilenced, both by triumphant survivors and by you who support them. You are all so important. I know this is worthwhile work. I also know we may not ever see a resolution. I guess faith means continuing to do it anyway.
I’ve decided not to run survivor stories on Violence UnSilenced this week. Instead, I’ll be posting an interview with the executive director of Domestic Abuse Intervention Services.
I also want this week to serve as a place-marker in time for those who never had the opportunity to speak out here. I want to give a hat tip to their souls.
Tracy. Amber. Deja. Neveah. I pray you find the peace in your resting that was stolen from you in your life. Now that you’ve put your burden down, I hope the rest of us will pick it up.
Survivor stories will resume next week.
####
Cross-posted at Violence UnSilenced.
MK says:
I really just love you. I’ve never met you, but I know that you are GOOD. And for that, there is love.
Thank you for your gift to help so many. You may only be the reporter, the conduit, but VU is needed, obviously, and for that, there is also love.
December 7th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
jen says:
sometimes the loss of faith for a few hours or days is just what you need to get you motivated to do more.
and you are doing it.
everything about the story of those women and their babies is wrong. and it hurts. and it makes me angry. and thankful, too.
please keep this going. we need you to remind us.
December 7th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
magpie says:
Oof, what a god awful story. Really. Simply awful.
In a weirdly coincident moment over the weekend, I posted about supporting domestic violence organizations: http://www.magpiemusing.com/2009/12/cell-phones-for-domestic-violence.html
Thank you for continuing to make us all remember.
December 7th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
deb says:
i always stupidly think that true faith means my pain, confusion, anger, whatever, will be magically wiped away. i forget that my faith is there, sometimes silently, keeping me alive.
December 7th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Mojo,NC,USA says:
Maggie, my dear, dear sister, I know how deeply you feel things, and I know how futile it must seem when you’ve kept the torch burning so brightly for nearly a year now, and here you are faced with almost the same grim headline that prompted you to start the VU project to begin with.
But it is not futile, and the effort has not been fruitless. One of the “footer tags badges” I use has the phrase “Save One Until There Are None.”
VU has already helped more people than you know. Some of them you may never know about, some of them you may not find out about for years. But isn’t that the essence of “faith”? Believing something to be true in the absence of evidence?
It’s a good thing sis. Because it was born of a heart as pure as the finest gold.
December 7th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Aunt Becky says:
Oh, Maggie, oh. Just. Oh. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.
December 7th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Titanium says:
When the dust settles, three things remain: and hope is one of them. Each one of us who has taken the pledge forms another link in the chain of faith, hope and love. We are committed to not only speaking out, but moving forward. Building, constructing, repairing and renovating- our own lives and dreams, and those of our sisters, mothers, daughters, friends and families.
Believe this: you have made a difference. Palpable, noticeable, tangible and deeply impactful.
We commit to waging war on domestic violence; there have been far too many casualties already, we dare not retreat and we dare not waver. So we write, we read, we speak… our voices and our strength are the legacy of those who can no longer speak.
Namaste.
Mojo,NC,USA Reply:
December 7th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
That is as beautiful, and insightful a comment as I have ever read. And it says exactly what I was fumbling with in my own attempt.
Beautifully done.
Dhanyevaad, bahin, dhanyevaad
December 7th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Cyndi says:
I am just so sorry…As usual, when I read your blog (and Violence Unsilenced) I am left speechless, unable to put into words the ache in my heart and the tears that just keep coming.
Neveah .. heaven backwards
December 7th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
vodkamom says:
I just don’t even know what to say. There are no words. I pray for the souls of these innocent victims, and for their families as they try to find their way through this deep ocean of grief.
May they rest in peace.
December 7th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
moonspun says:
Wow, it’s hard to know what to say. But I think you are right about faith. It has to be there, no matter what, especially when it is really hard to find it….
December 7th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
racheld says:
As MK said above—You ARE the Reporter. You slip into that phonebooth and emerge blue-garbed and shining, each perfect muscle outlined, but none more vividly than your heart.
You are the leaper of tall buildings, flying high above, spying out the ones who need you most, and taking them safely beneath your cape.
RIP, all those beautiful Woman-souls gone too soon.
Godspeed, VU—to the work.
God keep all who are in need of that work.
God Bless Maggie, who fiercely cares.
December 7th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Postmarc says:
Well put, racheld, well put.
And no, Dammit, do not lose faith, even if for a day or two.
VU and the stories move mountains.
You can’t save the world, but by God, the information, links, stories and outlet that VU provides anyone who stumbles upon it or seeks it out of desperation will surely prevent more tragic stories like this from happening. At least I hope so.
And you–you are so important, because, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, without you there wouldn’t be thousands of us out here who have your back when you need it.
December 8th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
nic @mybottlesup says:
i’m sorry maggie.
December 8th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
Ann says:
Another dear friend of mine had a connection to one of the vicitms.
The previous domestic shooting incidents happened one neighborhood over.
I’m sick with the knowledge that 5.5 will be aware of this world soon. So terribly soon.
Tears.
December 8th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Ginny says:
Oh Maggie. I don’t even really know you, but my heart hurts for you, and for all those people who were killed. Please, please know you’re doing a wonderful thing here. I look at things, situations, people, differently because of what I read at Violence Unsilenced. That is some good, good work you’re doing. I hope you don’t doubt that for too long.
December 8th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
deb says:
Sorry for you, Maggie.
Which also seems as small as faith.
But it isn’t.
I read some, yesterday, and while painful and deeply tragic, it was the overriding message of hope that I came away with. And if someone comes away with it when they need it desperately , or can touch just the right person with it, then it is more than good. It’s as good as it gets.
I am deeply and in the way of life sensitive. Perhaps because of some past junk, perhaps because it is a gift. Your gift.
December 9th, 2009 at 9:56 am
deb says:
I’ve written a post , and given you a mention as part of a whatever you call those community things. I just have a little speck in the blog sea, but one never knows.
Just wanted you to know, and to say thank you.
http://forsakenforlent.blogspot.com/2009/12/for-shame.html
December 9th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Hope | Blog Nosh Magazine says:
[...] because it makes me some kind of misguided martyr, but because it actually gives me hope. I said in my last post that faith is hard work, that I’d taken some blows lately that made me doubt. But today I woke up [...]
December 10th, 2009 at 7:29 am
L.L. Barkat says:
Came over through Deb’s. Hard stories. I’ll just listen. (Silence of this sort seems good.)
December 10th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Okay, Fine, Dammit » Hope says:
[...] because it makes me some kind of misguided martyr, but because it actually gives me hope. I said in my last post that faith is hard work, that I’d taken some blows lately that made me doubt. But today I woke up [...]
December 10th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Sugar Jones says:
Oh God… my heart hurts just to read those words.
December 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Mom says:
Our Steph, who is studying to be a cop, says her goal is to make all women safe from domestic violence. I wonder where she came up with that, huh? Just another way you are making a difference. Last week was achingly sad for anyone who knew about it, it’s when you stop feeling it so deeply that I will start to worry about you. Keep spreading the Hope.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Jett says:
Thank you for what you do for us, Maggie.
December 11th, 2009 at 11:06 am
jessica says:
I question my faith all the time but I guess I am hopeful b/c i am still here. Sometimes it feels so crappy, I wonder what I did to have life be the way it’s been the last five years but I guess since I’m still here waiting for an answer, I still believe.
December 13th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Joy Mack says:
Maggie,
I discovered your web-site quite by accident…I do believe that is was serendipity. Your words continue to touch my heart and move me like no other writer before. You have an incredible gift~Wow! Thank you so very much for sharing your words with the world. Peace, Light, and Love to you~ Joy Mack in Atlantic Beach, Fl
December 29th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Lisa says:
We need to remember the victims…those who can’t speak for themselves. Thank you for speaking for them.
December 30th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Kim (frogpondsrock) says:
When I am at my lowest and I just want to throw up my hands and say, “Why bother, what is the point?”
I remember a line from the Lord Of The Rings and I say it to myself in a silly accent, “There is always hope Mr Frodo, there is always hope.”
It works every single time.
January 5th, 2010 at 2:06 am