Help Anissa Mayhew
It’s July, almost 2am. These wretched chunky yellow heels have chewed my feet like jerky and so I’m sliding in striped socks through the lobby of the Chicago Sheraton. I’ve been here since 8am and I’m having the time of my life but I’m exhausted, not to mention slathered in glitter. Turns out I was the only one who took the “80s party” details of the evite seriously. I’ve spent the last several hours looking like Madonna and Cyndi Lauper’s love child, an insult sharpened by the point that the other several hundred party attendees are resplendent in cocktail dresses. I had fun anyway, but all I want in this moment is my bed.
I’m staying in another hotel a mile or so from this one, and my sweet yellow chariot cab awaits. I’m six feet from the revolving door escape when a strong hand grabs my wrist. My stomach drops and if my eyes had still been open at that point I know they would have rolled. I stop, stifle my groan, and turn to see who’s detained me. It’s Anissa. I don’t even think about it, I just grin and grin. The bad melts away with my makeup.
She’s sitting slumped in an armchair, looking beautiful and tired in a black cocktail dress (of course), her own smart heels dangling from one hand. We haven’t had the chance to really talk yet, she smiles, and I blink stupidly at the scene around us, only a handful of people, the first time all weekend it hasn’t been packed sticky like sardines. I don’t even think about it.
I sink to the ground at her feet, slide my 80s side-ponytail out like I’m home. We talk. We talk and we talk and we talk, about VU, about Hope for Peyton, about secret precious things real and hard. And though I know how ridiculously funny, how wonderfully bawdy she can be, she is none of those things for those 45 minutes. She is calm and sincere and near-to-bursting with generosity. She tells me she loves me over and over and she is a warm loaf of fresh baked bread, she is a summer rain on the deck, she is my favorite threadbare quilt. I don’t feel so tired. I don’t feel so spent up. I forget how much my feet hurt. I am love and gratitude and joy right back, reflected. She never once lets go of my hand.
I wish I was still holding Anissa’s hand now. In my heart, I haven’t let it go since that night.
####
35-year-old wife and mother of three, Anissa Mayhew, suffered a massive stroke yesterday and remains in ICU. To help Anissa and her family, especially if you are in the Atlanta area, please go here. You can also share your own favorite moment with Anissa (or general support) on the Mr. Linky on that same AimingLow.com post. My thoughts and prayers are with Anissa and her entire family.
UPDATE: There is now a Caring Bridge site set up for Anissa at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anissamayhew. The family is posting medical updates there.
Elizabeth (@claritychaos) says:
Beautiful tribute, Maggie. I don’t know Anissa, but it’s clear she is dearly loved. My prayers are with her.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:16 am
Laurie says:
The ability you have to take me square into a moment and make me really see people is so rare and awesome.
I don’t know her well. We just started following on Twitter last week, but the other night she was watching Scrooged. It’s one of my favorite holiday movies so I @’d her about it on a whim, and we just took up chatting like we’d known each other a long time. I could tell she was the real deal then, with some people you just can right away. I’m hoping so hard for her.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:19 am
nic @mybottlesup says:
oh maggie….. what a beautiful evening you had with anissa. *cue tears*
November 18th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Dijea says:
I never met Anissa – but I’ve seen many comments on Twitter. What a beautiful tribute. I’m so sorry for your pain and I’m glad of the moment you shared. Everyone should have those kinds of moments, and often.
I’m praying for you friend and her family. I understand what they are going through more than you know.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Camille says:
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, and this is a really lovely tribute. Anissa is in my thoughts.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:31 am
Nicole says:
How horrible! A stroke at any age is tragic, but at 35?! Thoughts and prayers headed her way … and yours.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Amanda @ High Impact Mom says:
Thank you Maggie for sharing this moment in time with us. I had a separate, but equally emotional and meaningful experience at BlogHer with Anissa. Your story brought tears to my eyes, you have an amazing way with words.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:41 am
Scary Mommy says:
That was beautiful, Maggie.
I met Anissa at Blogher the first night and was so struck by her warmth. She has an amazing way of making people feel valued and important. I just adore her. And cannot wait to see her in August.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:44 am
brittany says:
This post was amazing. I love going through and reading everyone’s moments with her. So much love.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
Beautifully said, Maggie.
We are all sending positive, healthy thoughts to Anissa.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Tweets that mention Okay, Fine, Dammit ยป Help Anissa Mayhew -- Topsy.com says:
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by MaggieDammit, nic and Amy Lalala, Camille DeAngelis. Camille DeAngelis said: RT @MaggieDammit: Throwing my own sweet memory into the mix: http://bit.ly/41fqiO #prayersforanissa @anissamayhew [...]
November 18th, 2009 at 7:59 am
Heather of the EO says:
Maggie…I don’t even know what to say. Thank you for sharing your heart like you do. I know she can feel it. I know.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Loukia says:
Very beautifully written… I have not met her yet, but hope to at next year’s BlogHer. My prayers are with her and her family. She is extremely funny, her tweets keep me smiling, and her blog is wonderful. Her children, are beautiful… I hope she gets better… what a tragic story. My prayers are certainly with her and her family.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:08 am
mel says:
lovely post. sounds like she’s had a tremendous effect on everyone she has graced with her presence.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club says:
What a beautiful post, Maggie. I remember reading Anissa’s blog for the first time, after months of following her on twitter…. you can imagine my surprise to see that this ribald, hilarious, fun-loving woman is also a deeply caring, busy, thoughtful, loving mother of a very sick child. I saw her everywhere at BlogHer and felt warm just being in her presence. My thoughts are with her and her family and I hope she is better soon. Twitter will not be the same without her (or her boobs
.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Mojo,NC,USA says:
Color me clueless, this is the first time I’ve even heard the lady’s name. But any friend of yours, I figure she’s gotta be good people. And clearly she made an impact on you. Which tells me all I need to know.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:17 am
sam {temptingmama} says:
*hugs*
I’m so glad you two had that moment. Here’s to many more like it!
xoxoxoxoxox
November 18th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Grumble Girl says:
Loved this. Wishing hard too…
November 18th, 2009 at 8:25 am
MK says:
As always, gorgeous words to describe a gorgeous moment and a gorgeous woman. I just met Anissa at the Boston Aiming Low event – and upon first introduction, we hugged. Of course, I’m a hugger and may have tossed myself at her – but she reciprocated like she’d known me for years.
Unbelievable turn of events for Anissa and I pray she pulls through.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Kate says:
This is a beautiful post, and Anissa is a beautiful person. Hugs to you and positive and healthy thoughts for Anissa.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Andi says:
Oh my goodness, I missed this yesterday. I met Anissa at Blissdom and Type-A Mom, she is fab, I will help spread the word for help.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Erika says:
So I’m reading along, thinking wow, what an amazing connection I’m witnessing through Maggies words. Then I get to the bottom where the bold ones are and I say, out loud, “Shit. No.”
A lovely tribute…prayers forthcoming.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:33 am
tena says:
thanks for that. You nailed it- that’s her exactly! And now I want warm bread.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:20 am
we_be_toys says:
I can never seem to come to terms with the unfairness of this life – how can a 35 year old woman even be having a stroke? Sending my positive energy her way…
Beautiful portrait you’ve drawn of her in this piece, btw – I’m going to continue to think she will rise again, phoenix-like. So mote it be.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Jenny, Bloggess says:
Dammit, Maggie. I finally stopped crying and you made me cry again. But, yeah. You nailed her. Anissa is everything you said and more. But she’s going to be okay. She has to be.
November 18th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Braja says:
More of life’s unexpectedness……love to Anissa…..
November 18th, 2009 at 9:47 am
hip_m0m says:
Maggie,
Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment. Anissa is a beautiful soul. She is surrounded by so much love and so many prayers…
*hugs*
November 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am
JD at I Do Things says:
I keep going from post to post, hoping this isn’t true.
My thoughts and prayers are with Anissa and her family. I met her briefly at BlogHer — actually, she’s the one person who stood out from the speed dating. This was a lovely post.
November 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am
racheld says:
Thoughts and prayers from the Heartland, with a cushy old Grandma hug for you.
I read her last few posts just now, since I did not know of her; the anticipated cruise, the one-year anniversary for her child, and faith for four more, and then little Maddie’s birthday.
I’m just pulp right now. My heart to Anissa and all her family, and to you, Sweet Soul.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Junk Drawer Kathy says:
I met Anissa during BlogHer speed dating as well. I remember her among — what? — a hundred other women I met for one minute each? Her bubbliness was infectious. I’m so sorry to hear of this. Life is unfair.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Secret Agent Mama/Mishelle says:
Maggie: You are dear to my heart. Always and forever.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Issa says:
Beautiful as always Maggie.
Shit man. Just. Shit.
The first person I saw, met and hugged at BlogHer was Anissa. I hadn’t even made it in the hotel yet. She has to be okay. She just has too.
November 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
ExtraordinaryMommy says:
Beautifully said – you have captured Anissa’s spirit perfectly….
November 18th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
deb says:
As a reader here who is starting to get the blogging connection in her soul, I cannot imagine this…. for you , for her family, for her extended friend world.
She is in my prayers.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
starrlife says:
Thanks for reaching out and sharing this- my thoughts are there with her and her family.
November 18th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
vodkamom says:
wonderful post- and tribute. May we lift her with our prayers- and send her family strength. xxx
November 18th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Amanda says:
She and the love-at-first-sight Mrs. Flinger took me under their raucous wings in Chicago. So full of life, so effusive and friendly and yet able to turn in the greatest din, and treat you as if there were no one else in the room.
Beautiful memory, vibrant hope.
November 18th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
janice says:
Anissa,
Wow!! My thoughts and prayers are with her,her husband and the kids.
Your post is beautiful and captures the feeling of family that is so much a part of
the blogging world.
November 19th, 2009 at 12:48 am
LaskiGal says:
You make me wish I knew her . . . I feel that with all the love and support she has surrounding her that one day . . . I will.
Lovely, Maggie. Truly.
November 19th, 2009 at 12:57 am
Postmarc says:
Dammit, you do this so well, and yet I don’t know how. Touching a part of us so deeply with the way you bring us there, peering over your shoulder, hearing sounds, sighing in agreement with warm bread and summer rain…
…then doubled over with the gut punch, leaving us aching for the moment before to replay over and over now that we know when to stop reading.
But life can be glorious and cruel, and all we can hope for is more moments of the former.
I cannot help but send prayers and positive thoughts to someone I never knew and I do it only because of your words, your powerful words.
November 19th, 2009 at 3:58 am
BigLittleWolf says:
Are there any updates? It’s thursday morning.
maggie, dammit Reply:
November 19th, 2009 at 7:59 am
The family established a Caring Bridge profile for Anissa, and they are posting updates there.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anissamayhew
I’ve added this information to the post, too.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:48 am
Madge says:
i hate that i am finding out about annisa because of this tragedy. hoping the best for her…..
November 19th, 2009 at 9:30 am
muskrat says:
When I found out where she was, I was tempted to bust into the hospital (it’s just a few miles south of where I live) and tell her to “get the fuck up!” like Jesus said to Lazarus, but without the “f” word, because I knew that’s what she’d probably say to one of her friends in the same state.
But Tanis said her family wanted privacy or some such. So, I’m just saying prayers and looking for updates on the website/twitter/facebook like a passive little pussyboy instead.
I can’t wait til she pulls free.
I miss her tweets. And I would’ve seen her this Saturday when a bunch of us get together for Dave’s (@blogography) visit.
November 19th, 2009 at 10:43 am
complicated mama says:
Great post, but very sad situation
I don’t know Anissa, but am familiar with the Aiminglow site…. she sounds like a great person.
The blogging community rare eally pulling together for her- and i think that is awesome.
I posted about it on my site too
November 19th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Amy K says:
I don’t know Anissa. I am hoping to know her when she is back to twitter and recovered. I am holding her in prayer and in my heart. Thank you Maggie, for sharing this beautiful memory and post.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
bejewell says:
I’m feeling every word of this. Lovely tribute for a lovely lady. I met her at Blissdom last year, and she could not have been more gracious, even went out of her way to tell me that she knew I would write a book one day and she would be the first in line to buy it. So tremendously sad for her and her family.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Y says:
This post was the most beautiful.
You’re the most beautiful, M.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo says:
I have never met Anissa. Have had some funny conversations on twitter with her, but that is about it.
But when I heard the news I felt sick to my stomach. I was hoping it was a mild one, I can deal with a mild one and hold her hand and tell her that it WILL be OK – scary as it is – she will get through it, but this is WAY bigger than I can imagine.
So I keep refreshing. And hoping.
November 21st, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Traci says:
First healing for Anissa today… Thanksgiving day at 6pm pst and 9pm est. everyone focus on a picture of Anissa Mayhew… either her profile pic from her blog,facebook or twitter and send her healing energy, prayers, or love. get the word out! http://www.hope4peyton.org
November 26th, 2009 at 1:27 pm