A good honest venting.
I remember a time when none of it mattered — the traffic, the audience, the ABCs of SEO (and OMG, WTF.) I remember a time, at least, when it didn’t matter to me. When I burst out of the gates like a young racehorse, stupid and happy and bred just for this. When I was beyond thrilled simply to have an outlet for my writing. When I couldn’t wait to tell you everything there was to know about my kids, my life, my struggles. When I was home all day with young children and I just wanted to be heard, to be known for more than my deft ability to change a diaper or grind homemade baby food. I still remember how scared I was when I first saw my blog listed in another’s blogroll and thought I was being stalked.
As more people started reading, though, I was thrilled. I subscribed to the blog of every single commenter and did my best to visit their blogs each day. It worked for a while. It filled a space in me I didn’t even know was there. Having this window, this kind of 24-hour access into your lives, was addictive. An audience for my words was heady stuff. I reveled in all of it. And before long, I was in over my head.
Having all of these people take the time to read my words and leave thoughtful comments made me feel like a bad person. I couldn’t possibly reciprocate, couldn’t read all of their posts and comment as I wanted to, and I became obsessed with my failure and how poorly you must all think of me, what you might be saying behind my back. I panicked. I became exhausted. I shut down.
For about a week, maybe two, I felt a great relief. Then I missed the community. [Insert whispering: I still miss some of my early readers. I often wonder if they hate me for abandoning them.]
I came back a month after I quit and it was like I’d been rebuilt — no longer Maggie, but MaggieDammit 2.0; stronger, faster, streamlined. Better equipped to handle attacks, more adept at not taking every damn thing so personally. Aware that I could not do it all and unwilling to hurt myself trying. I retrained myself to think of my blog as a place to exercise my craft, as an extended umbrella to my freelance career (hence, the ads.) I donned new, impenetrable armor with privacy features, stronger safeguards in place to protect my interests, my loved ones, my delicate inner wires. I reentered the community and relished it, but did not let it define me. I tried to comment only when I had something to say, not when I felt obligated. I implemented the same practice with my posts, even if it meant they were spread a week or two apart. Now, I feel like I have a huge, generous support network — even though I have purposely kept large parts of myself hidden. I feel like I give when and where it is needed, and I admire more than ever the community I see before me. I’m in awe of the way we come together in times of pain. The myriad ways you support your fellow bloggers. I embraced it — but I decided whenever it felt too emotional, whenever I felt too exposed, I would back off. It’s been working for me for about a year.
Suddenly, now, I find myself at a brand new crossroads. Violence UnSilenced has changed everything. It crept up on me from behind, pounced, and felled me easily. It’s like I’m back at the beginning again, obsessing over who is reading and who is not, carefully combing through the comments for signs of dissent or judgment, making sure we’re listed in every directory, tweeting my little heart out. Right now we’re in the middle of this Internet contest and I’m making myself crazy over it, peddling for votes and emailing my posse and taking it personally when things don’t go our way — like last night, when for whatever unknown reason they deleted 3,000 votes from VU and put us neck-and-neck with the second runner-up (a blog that one month ago had 4,000 of its own votes deleted without explanation, alongside another 2,000 of ours.) I was very, very angry this morning over the way this contest has been run. I got incredibly worked up over what felt like a last-minute sniper shot.
Then I reminded myself: it’s just a contest. The top five finalists will go onto a panel of “VIP” bloggers who will arbitrarily decide the winner, regardless of the number of votes. Listen, I am grateful VU was nominated and I’m in awe of all of you who have worked so hard to promote the award process… I know I’ve worked hard myself. But I’d be lying if I said the entire thing, this experience of “competing” with my fellow bloggers, hasn’t left a terrible taste in my mouth.
A few minutes ago I took a look at the top five finalists in the “most inspiring” category. Each have endured great personal trauma, including those documented on VU. One recently lost a precious child whose face I still catch myself thinking about from time to time. Two are nursing sick children. One was involved in a fiery plane crash. A woman is beaten every nine seconds in this country. These are the things that matter. These and only these things. Not a contest that seems to be dividing a strong, loving community for the sake of Swiffer Sweeper. (Yeah, I said it. And if, by that one statement I just completely ruined our chances of “winning?” I think I’m okay with that.)
Bravado and contests aside, I’m so emotionally attached to the Violence UnSilenced site it’s scary. I’m inspired by the candor of my contributors and in many ways it makes me feel like a fake, like a pimp, someone who is asking others to bare everything, all the while hiding further and further behind my gun. In one space my heart is completely open. In the other it is so closely guarded.
I want to talk about my kids, but I don’t like invading their privacy. I want to talk about my struggles, but I feel like it makes people uncomfortable, people I run into every day, at the grocery store, at the bank, at my kids’ school functions. I want to share more, but I feel like that would diminish the gifts of my real-life friendships. I want, I want, I want.
I feel a change in the air, though, like the two sites each are pulling me in different directions and I need to slip free lest I’m drawn-and-quartered. I just don’t know which way is better. I don’t know which way to go.
The usual solution when I’m feeling this way (this obsessive, this neurotic, this angry, this long-winded, this needy and unappealing) is to unplug. To go outside, to stare at my garden, to jump on the trampoline with my children, to call my best friend. This is what I always do, in fact, right before I delete posts like this.
But see, this is what makes me feel like change is in the air: I’m leaving this post up.
JIll says:
The beauty of this kind of personal outlet is that we can make it anything we want (or need) it to be. It is easy, though, to forget that and to get wrapped up in the who and the waht and the how many. Sometimes it just takes a minute to step back and gain a new perspective (or recapture an old one). Please don’t go away, though. You’d be sorely missed!
July 6th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Kori says:
I don’t know what I would do without blogging, not because I am so popular that I have a ton of readers, not because I am ever going to make money or become famous or whatever because of it-but because I am such a part of a community now, I know a few people very well and consider them my friends, and because I love to write and am sometimes very good at it. For that reason, I try to pretend like I don’t have an audience, and try not to take it personally when people don’t read or comment. It is for ME; it helps me make sense of things, to process things, to simply write and breathe. It heals me. that said, I also know it is different for everyone, and you just do whatever you need to do. I read you a lot, but don’t often comment-and I will read you again, whether you leave for three days or three months or never.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Sunny says:
*hugs*
Can’t offer much more than that since I’m not feeling particularily verbose right now
July 6th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Carrie says:
I wish I had oodles of advice to give but please know how much you (and your writing) is admired in this community. Your good work is inspiring, your stories meaningful and heartfelt and I want to thank you for putting it all out there…despite the sometimes taxing emotional drain.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
marymac says:
I love your honesty. (You went there with the Swiffer comment! And um- is it me or is the VIP Judge board full of contestants? ummmmm. lol) I have a lot of the same feelings you do about the contest- I mean, I am being beaten by a fan blog for Edward Cullen from Twilight? Shoot me. This blogging ‘journey’ is a new world- I think what’s important is that we blogger all stick together and enjoy the journey together.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Jennifer says:
Well, if they arbitrarily choose the winner and it’s not based on votes–it doesn’t sound like much of a contest!
Don’t stress about it!!
July 6th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Joy says:
I am a relatively new reader, and a recent, uncertain blogger that doesn’t know how much of her personal life she wants to share, other than the exciting upcoming few months we have planned. But I appreciate your skill in weaving words on this blog, and I enjoy the feelings your stories evoke in me. And I am completely awed, and humbled, by your dedication to and fierce protectiveness of VU.
I hope that you don’t go away – I would miss the beauty and emotion of your weaving.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
AnnetteK says:
I am one of your long-time readers, (even though I didn’t comment much back then) and I will love you, your amazing writing, and your blog forever.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
vodkamom says:
that, of course, was another amazing post. I know what you mean about how we all began this blogging thing in order to WRITE. To write freely and honestly.
It doesn’t take long for the waters to muddy. sigh.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
abdpbt says:
Yeah, that blog award thing is a crock of shit. I hope you win, just because I know you want it–but even if you don’t, it’s got nothing to do with how awesome the site is (and you know it).
July 6th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Marinka says:
Unplugging is very bad.
And I decided that I hate these blogging contests. Hate them. The endless twittering, the vote for me, vote for her, everything. VU already won, because it made a difference in so many lives. It matters to so many people that got to tell their story and for the rest of us, who got to see that, yes, it is everywhere and this is what survivors look like. And Heather’s blog won too because her writing is gorgeous and inspirational and heartbreaking and life affirming. I hated having to choose between the two blogs, both of which are close to my heart, and that’s when I unplugged. Contest-wise.
I love you and I love Heather and just like Sophie, I refuse to choose.
xo
July 6th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
ChurchPunkMom says:
Maggie, I too have a tendency to disconnect and pull back when I get overly emotional about blogging.
You are wonderful. And stupid contest or not, VU is still there and still helping SO many.
Thank you.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Fran says:
I’m glad you didn’t hit “delete” on this! What you’re doing for the world through the voice of VU goes far beyond any contest. BlogLuxe will come/go and be long forgotten while the positive influence of awareness of DM/SA marches on.
Do what you gotta do, you have plenty of supporters.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Robin says:
I just want you to know that I no longer feel uncomfortable in the grocery store with you! (he he he)
You know I love reading your stories for their pure well crafted message. They are compelling, not matter what you share.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Heather says:
Maggie-
I shared the voting site with everyone I knew, not just because I thought you deserved the win, but because the site deserves the advertisement and that’s an easy way to spread the name (people get excited about voting–democracy in action I guess). So win or ‘lose’, which I don’t think you can at this point, lives are changed, people are affected positively…and I’m marching home to wet-jet my kitchen floor
Love you.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Heather says:
That was cousin Heather by the way, not the mighty Spohr–who’s blog I’m also reading now, thanks to this silly contest. So you see, it’s not all bad.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
maggie, dammit says:
I know it’s you, silly. I know your email. Thank you.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
sweetsalty kate says:
The only contest you need to win is the one you win when someone emails you at 3 AM to say thank you for making them feel less alone. Or the one you win when you see the site linked in a blog that deems VU that person’s breathing mechanism.
I get that blogluxe has you by the balls with the best of intentions.. the more splash, the more people you reach, and so of course you hope they give you a squeeze. Which would have a way of making mother theresa feel pimpish.
But when it comes down to it, you’ve won countless times already.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Melissa says:
I went through a cleansing of sorts recently. I actually wrote a post about it called “letting go” (and no I don’t expect you read it and THAT’S OKAY!). And it was exactly what it says. I let go. I let go of 80 blogs I was subscribing to. I let go of 30 Facebook “friends.” I let go of worrying what other people thought about me and of my food.
And life since then has been amazing. I’m comfortable in my kitchen, I’m comfortable with the balance between my online and offline lives. I’m comfortable just being me and, as a result, my last three posts have had my best writing on my blog to date. And the people that visit me are my friends (even if we have not met), not another number or stat. And they are focused on what I have to say, not what I have to show.
What a transformation.
I hope for the same for you Maggie. Do whatever it takes to find peace. To stop the ride, to slow down and find out who and what matters to you in this little portion of the universe. You deserve that. Just let go!
July 6th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Neal Beets says:
My two cents: Keep up the VU blog, to fulfill your social justice passion; suspend the OFD blog and, instead, write short stories or other fiction on your own timetable to fulfill your passion for creative writing — we’ll enjoy it when it’s published, as it will be due to your talent and sensibilities.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
I think I didn’t explain it very well – I’m not really thinking about giving up one or the other, it’s more like I’m wondering which way (one so open, one so not) is a better way for me to blog. I’m wondering if I need to be more open on OFD, or if that would be a mistake – even if it makes me feel like a hypocrite of sorts for asking others to be so open on VU.
Mostly it’s me being overly analytical, as usual.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
SP says:
No matter what happen – online, offline – I’m so. incredibly. proud of you.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
I know. I love you.
July 6th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
MommyTime says:
I think the path you describe, plugging in, getting so involved, pulling back, redefining, plugging in again…etc… is one we all go through. At least, I certainly have. It’s very hard to decide what and how to move next, and I won’t presume to tell you what to do. I just wanted to say that whatever you decide, you should do it because YOU want to make that choice, not because you think other people think this is what you should do.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Yes, and I’ve gone through it so many times. I think I just thought I was past it, you know?
July 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Aunt Becky says:
I remember my brother–who is 10 years my senior–making fun of me one day for “listening to The Man.” I was watching MTV, rocking out in my GUESS? jeans and generally being an ordinary, label-grubbing, follower-the-leader teenage girl. He’ll be pleased to know that his monologue finally was heard. It was something like this,
“Why do YOU care what some stuffed 50 year old suit thinks is cool and hip? Why does it matter to you what some marketing exec thinks is cool?”
This is what I remind myself as I am annoyed by this contest. And any OTHER contest. I like Marinka’s idea. Down with phony contests! They bring out the worst in other people and I’m sick of it. I cannot wait until this is over.
Hang in there Maggie, don’t hide.
(I understand why you care, don’t get me wrong here.)
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Thank you, hon. I hope I didn’t ruin it at the last minute but I could hardly live with myself for a minute there.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
girlabouttonw says:
I feel ya! I stumbled upon your blog from this contest…not that it will make you feel any better, but the same thing is happening in my category (funniest) with up and down votes- ahhh! It’s been extremely frustrating. But in the end, all that really matters is that your blog has content that people want to read…or more importantly, that you want to write. great post
Girl About Town
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:19 am
You’re right, content is everything. I have to remember that. Thank you.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
witchypoo says:
I campaigned for the 2007 Blogger’s Choice awards and won my category. It got me lots of marketing offers and maybe two text ads. Pfft. Never looked much at stats since. It’s kind of random.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Yeah, that’s why I don’t get into that stuff with this blog, but in the case of VU I feel like I need to take every opportunity I can to reach more survivors. That’s why I was so grateful when Coco nominated it. I just got more swept up emotionally than I intended.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Issa says:
I did that too, the shutting down when it got to be too much. Shut mine down for 18 months and then came back. Because I missed it; this community. It’s so different though. I’ve been back a year now and it’s changed so much.
I think you can let it be what you want. This space, VU, both of them. Write what you want, when you want.
On the VU becoming too much…well that I can totally get. I’ll be honest, I had to take it out of my reader. I still visit, but only every now and again, when I think I am strong enough to handle it. It’s hard. What is written there is hard and it sits with me. On a bad day, it’s just too much. I think you’ve done amazing things with it. You’ve opened people up who might have stayed silent forever. It’s a brilliant site and it deserves praise. And You deserve praise too. Truly.
At the same time, if it’s too much for you, maybe you could find a few people willing to help you with it, so it’s not all you. Just my two cents.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I’m so glad you still read sometimes, even though it’s hard. I know what you mean because I do that with other things, look away when I shouldn’t. There’s only so much a person can take sometimes. I get that.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
MK says:
Um, I just like your frikkin name, Dammit!
and I still write for me – it’s boring and mundane and sometimes funny and sometimes sad – but it’s mine. Like it or get the hell out. Right? Right.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Right.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
perksofbeingme says:
xoxo you are amazing and so loved. Write your struggles and your fears for I am here to listen and love. ALWAYS
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am
Thank you sweet girl. xoxo
July 6th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Kel says:
Its an amazing community to say the least, but at the same time you give of yourself, pieces of you and one day someone tramples it and you realize its not so ‘perfect’ after all. Instead of running for the hills, we venture back, a little more self-aware, still wanting what we wanted in the beginning – the outlet, the support, the freedom to share our thoughts without reprieve – only this time we sensor it because we’ve been hurt. So instead of speaking our minds in ‘our homes’ we find other places-not attached to our names to speak our true thoughts – thoughts provoked by other people, other blogs, other forums…places we can still relish in the shared emotions of the community, but perhaps a little less ‘in your face’ of those IRL close to us.
VU or here – your voice is amazing and thought provoking and it is a true testament of the type of person you are – kind, caring and amazing. Do what you need to – here or elsewhere, but know that you have my support no matter what the choice.
~K
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Thank you. You’re so right about the way it feels when trampled. It’s a love-hate thing, only with so many more shades and layers.
July 6th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
LPC says:
Thank you.
July 6th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Mojo,NC,USA says:
I feel ya girl. (Wait… that came out wrong.) The contest — in and of itself — was an ubersuck. What it did for VU in terms of exposure only time will tell. Based on the statistics, visits and page views are both up. But correlation is not causality. So it remains to be seen if the contest drove the traffic up or if the increased traffic got the vote count up. Or perhaps neither is the case, and the two happened independently of each other.
I came so close so many times to quitting on the contest over the last six weeks you wouldn’t believe it. Because it did feel sketchy. Especially after the first “adjustment” to the vote counts. But I committed to it, and therefore was bound to it for the duration.
And frankly I saw some good come from it. I saw people stand shoulder to shoulder in a common aim. And if that kind of solidarity can be sustained, only good things can come from it.
It’s a damn shame there’s not an award for Most Inspiring Audience. Because the readers of Violence UnSilenced would take it in a walk.
In any kind of fair and balanced selection anyway.
It’s been a long six weeks, and I for one am glad to be done with it. Glad to be done with the shameless promotion and glad to get back to what’s really important about VU.
Glad to be back among the real winners.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:23 am
The VU readers are amazing. AMAZING.
July 6th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
mrschicken says:
Yes, I try to stay away from all those contests, etc. now and go back to blogging like no one gave 2 shits about me and my stupid essays. I feel much better now.
It gets in you, doesn’t it? You’ll find your way – that is, if you already haven’t, which it sounds to me like you have.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:09 am
It so gets in me. I’ve found my way many times – I just keep losing it again.
July 6th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Heather of the EO says:
I have nothing to say except that I love this post. It’s raw and honest and just perfect. I suppose that’s why people stick around and why new people subscribe. They should. You’re real and you care about something that matters, like Violence Unsilenced.
And now I will say something totally cheesy like…
Keep doing what you’re doing. It works. It’s good.
Apparently I had more than nothing to say.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:09 am
That’s not cheesy at all. It’s perfect. Thank you.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Briscot says:
Nice blog! I’m glad you said mentioned the unfairness of this blog contest- what a joke!…they screwed up so bad- couldn’t fix it, so the answer- take away votes after all the time that people put into voting for their favorite blog- seems a little predetermined to me!!
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:08 am
They definitely got a lot of traffic. It’s the nature of the beast, I guess. We all gave it willingly. I just hope the outcome served a greater good.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
erin says:
Isn’t it strange how there is such an internal battle over blogging? Makes me take pause and wonder what we’re really all doing. What was it I was doing again?
Sometimes that answer gets lost.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Couldn’t agree more. Why the constant internal battle? Because there certainly is one. I see it everywhere.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Merritt says:
I run the risk of sounding like a total dorcus here, but your candor inspires me to do the same. I’ve been reading this blog for quite awhile, I’ve been inspired by your beautiful, lyrical writing style. I’ve also admired your guarded-ness about your family and children (I often wonder if I’m making a huge mistake being so open). I think that your blog is an outlet for YOU, mine is an outlet for ME. While we in the blogging community share your in stories, you don’t write for us, you write for you. As far as VU goes, the work, the difference…Maggie, I wish I had words to express accurately how important I think it is. No trivial contest can take that away. And while part of me wants so yell, “No! Don’t go away!”, the other part understands and can’t fault you for it.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:06 am
It’s good to hear that my guardedness can be seen as a good thing. I often worry I’m pissing people off by appearing to be evasive or cold. I’m not, I’m just a worrier.
July 6th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
flutter says:
your space, your words, your way. always.
fuck us if we can’t take it.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I love you.
July 6th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Lea says:
I loooooove you Maggie – whether you blog or not. You’ve got a great big ole lovely heart that I’m glad to have the honor of seeing and knowing.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Ditto, my friend. Ditto. xo
July 6th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
chris/formerlyfun says:
Maggie, I know it doesn’t really matter but I kind of hope VU wins. Not because it’s better or more heart wrenching than the Spohrs losing their daughter or any of the other nominees but because the issues of abuse and sexual abuse are just so much more widespread and pervasive.
Have you ever considered a panel of people you really trust and are on the same page with to assist you with VU? Kind of like a Board of Directors. All of the hand wringing and moderating has to be consuming, maybe that might help?
In spite of the walls you have put up at OFD for your own peace(ish) of mind and sanity, I still enjoy what you write. I would miss reading you if you went away but you have to do what works for you.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I have a few people who are rapidly becoming like a panel of sorts, and it helps. It helps so much. I’ve never been very good at delegating but you’re right, I need to.
And I’m not going anywhere – I just wonder sometimes if I should bite the bullet and be more open.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Heather says:
I will always read.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Thank you hon.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
thordora says:
I was thinking about the same, when I saw the FB message-it’s just a bloody silly game. When I went to vote awhile back, and read through the categories and puzzled over the point and why who was where….bah.
Change is good, and necessary. Growth. Find your place. You’re in my reader regardless, even if I rarely comment
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Yeah, I liked it because I thought it would further spread the word about VU to women who needed it – but in a way it already has, regardless of the outcome.
That place of mine, the one I’m always seeking, it’s just so slippery, you know?
July 6th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Nicole says:
Others have already said this so I don’t know why I feel compelled to say it again (as if my voice makes it all so suddenly credible) but no matter what happens in this stupid stupid, stupid contest — and I voted and plugged it shamelessly, too — Violence UnSilenced AND EVERY PERSON WHO HAS EVER CONTRIBUTED TO IT OR EVEN READ IT HAVE ALREADY WON! (Whew. That may well be the longest run-on sentence in the history of man, followed very quickly by this lovely creation.)
OK. I HAVE to say this: Through Violence UnSilenced, you, yes YOU MaggieDammit, provided me with an outlet to confront things that, up until a few months ago, I had only ever discussed with one other person. (And he was a shit and not worthy of such a sacred trust.) People who are among my nearest and dearest were able to go: “OK – THAT makes sense now” after reading VU.
I wrote it. I read it. And it felt awful. But all of the wonderful encouraging comments — including via email from people who know me in the “real” world — helped me shake loose of some baggage that I didn’t even know I was draggin’ around. For that, I thank you with every fiber of my being.
And for that, I’d pander in almost anyway possible to give someone else a chance at being that free.
OK. I’ll shut up now.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Oh, Nicole. Best comment ever. Thank you. This is what matters.
July 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Pgoodness says:
Just want to say thank you…for not hitting delete,for VU, for being you. You are awesome and I always look forward to reading you..No matter what you choose to write about. It’s your place, just be you. =)
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Thank you. It’s funny how many times I have to remind myself that it’s my space, just as I remind others. It’s always so hard to take our own advice.
July 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Chris says:
Someone said once that life is too important to be taken seriously. It is plain how important VU is to you, and that importance may be keeping you from applying the same lesson you learned a year ago to the newer endeavor.
There is a reason that doctors and cops and professionals of all sorts have to maintain a modicum of detachment from the people they serve. It’s because they have to survive to serve someone else tomorrow. VU depends on you caring for yourself first. You have done a wonderful thing. Please don’t let it consume you.
This is a marvelous post, btw. I don’t know of anyone who is more honestly reflective about the costs and motivations of this particular medium. And as many others have said, your writing style is to die for.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 7:57 am
You’re so right about the modicum of detachment. I am only just now (thanks to readers here) learning about vicarious trauma, etc. It all makes a lot more sense to me now and I hope I am getting better at it. (And thank you for the kind words.)
July 7th, 2009 at 12:09 am
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo says:
I will always be here for you babe. You know that.
Wherever, whenever.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 6:57 am
@Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo, Thank you, hon. Ditto. xo
July 7th, 2009 at 5:05 am
Gwen Jackson says:
i don’t know, Maggie. I think it’s OK to really want to win a contest. Of course it’s not the most important thing in the whole wide world. But sometimes it’s those little things that keep us going to fight another day. My point is that it’s not petty to care about the Inspirational Blog award for VU. It’s nice to win awards on projects we’ve worked so hard on. That being said, I completely empathize with your feeling that you had to comment on every blogger’s blog who took the time to comment on your blog. I always feel bad when I don’t have the time to do that for everyone. And I have about 1/10 of the readers you have, so I can really understand why you would have trouble doing that. I read blogs and comment because I enjoy reading them and they move me to say something about it. I do comment on almost every blog I read, not because I feel obligated but because I want to. It’s important for me to let the person know I was there, that I read and understood (or didn’t understand). I don’t expect reciprocal reading and commenting. If someone wants to read my blog and comment, that’s awesome. I love readers and comments. But I would hate someone to read my blog out of some sort of obligation. That would suck. I think your blog is wonderful and I feel really blessed to have found it among so many.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 6:34 am
@Gwen Jackson: Yes, I think I got swept up in wanting it so badly for the contributors, because that “validation” felt so good. I still want it, of course, but I never should have gotten so upset over the lost votes. That’s what I meant about it being just a contest — that it was cool, sure, and that I appreciated it, but it wasn’t worth losing sleep over.
Thanks for the kind words, I’m a big fan of your writing, too.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:52 am
Justme says:
I think unplugging to stare at your garden, jump on the trampoline with your girls and call your best friend sounds just fine. I do that from time to time myself.
You do what you need to do. I will be here reading whenever you come back…
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 6:31 am
@Justme: I agree. I ended up doing that after all.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Emily R says:
yeah. i try to let go of these contests, etc., but it is hard.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 6:53 am
@Emily R, It is SO hard.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Megan says:
Maggie, you are such a lovely woman. I feel it’s an honor to read your blog (though I don’t comment often), and it’s completely understandable to be pulled in different directions. I feel as if a blog is a chapter in our life. We become so emotionally attached to it, but after time–just like most things–it fades.
Most people start a blog with a purpose. Once that purpose is fulfilled, blogging begins to simmer on the back-burner of life. We almost feel forced to stir it, but sometimes, you just have to let it simmer and sit for a while. Things will start to boil again when you least expect it–and when you’re not paying attention.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Oh, Megan. You are so sweet and always so eloquent. Thank you.
I hear you about the simmering, I’ve done it so many times. So far there has always been a re-boil, but I imagine one day there won’t be.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:58 am
tysdaddy says:
For what it’s worth, I’m happy knowing that you’re out there in your garden, unplugging.
I’m back to work now, and my reading and posting have diminished as a result; I’m back to having just enough hours in the day for work and family.
Honestly, I don’t know how you do it.
So do the work, the work that matters most, but keep weeding the garden . . .
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:01 am
I’m not sure I *AM* doing it. That’s the hard part. But you’re right, priorities (and the ability to remember them) are crucial.
tysdaddy Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I guess it depends on what “IT” is. You’re doing your freelance thing, and that’s the heart of where you’re at. This space? It’s an outlet for the stuff swimming in the periphery of your mind. It’s always been that, and it’s why I come here, for few people can articulate that stuff on the fringes as you can.
As far as VU, I think you’ve got the right attitude about it. It’s a place for voices to be heard. It’s not a counseling site. It’s not a one-stop site for advice. It’s the voices of victims, and the thoughts of those who support the victims. VU has it’s place, and it is meeting the need. So by being the provider of that space, then you are doing “IT” well.
And the “IT” that is your life? I have no doubt that your kids, your husband, your gardens and porches and dinnertimes, are precious to you and the most important priority. The very fact that you feel so stretched is a testimony of this. So you’ve got your family life nailed.
Yeah, you’ve got “IT” going on. A bunch of plates spinning and tilting and threatening to fall. And you seem to know which ones are worth the most of your attention at any given time.
You are making a difference. You are living life. And you will make it through this day . . .
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:24 am
God I love you, Brian. Thank you for this.
July 7th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Laurie says:
So much of this post sounds like it was plucked from my own brain, and experiences. I hear you.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Does it ever change then?
Laurie Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I’ve been in a much better place ever since I took down comments from my blog. I’m not 100% there yet, but I find that I’m writing more honestly on the whole. But then you lose that sense of community, which is a loss.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Yeah, I’ve often envied people like Dooce for their turned off comments, because I imagine it’s an effective mode of self-preservation and there are certainly times I’m feeling more vulnerable than others. But like you said, without comments I would not have community, and without community I wouldn’t want to be here. [SIGH]
July 7th, 2009 at 7:25 am
schmutzie says:
This outlet is whatever you choose it to be each time you come to it. I don’t remember seeing a strict mandate hanging on the door. So, don’t let this space pull you around. You pull it.
Look at me getting advicey
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:00 am
I love that, about the pulling. (And honey, I’ll take your advice any day of the week.)
July 7th, 2009 at 7:47 am
bri says:
The first few paragraphs of this – I SO could have written them, too. I’ve been in the blog world a long time but in the BlogHer world a very short time, and I am never sure what to make of it. Thanks for writing this.
The whole contest thing feels crappy, especially your category. When I saw the final finalists I felt a little like throwing up. They should do something honorable and call you all the winners. And give you medals for all the good you have done the world.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:26 am
You put it in such an interesting way – the BlogHer world vs. the blog world. You really nailed something for me there.
And yes, I agree about worth of all the finalists.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Madge says:
blogging, like everything else, seems like an ever evolving process. something that has to be held lightly so it can reform itself when necessary and lead us where it needs to.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 8:33 am
So well said. Seriously.
July 7th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Dalon says:
you have such an amazing way of writing … I can totally understand how you may want to share so much because it’s easy to do out here in the blog world … but it’s very difficult because there is so much personal that just might not be appropriate to put out on the internet … please know that whether or not everyone comments, you have MANY many followers – I love to read your words – contemplate my own thoughts – you help me have my own voice – you help me with vocabulary – and you remind me of how important it is to NOT just let thoughts shuffly around in my head – I need to write and release – thank you
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Thank you for this sweet support.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:33 am
magpie says:
You’ve done the awesome with VU – it’s a huge testament to you, whether it wins a contest or not.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Thank you hon. Not a testament to me, though – to them.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Indigo says:
I’m so glad you left this post up. This is the line you didn’t want to cross, yet it let us see…at times there is a need to cross it. I know running the VU site has to be taxing at times. I’ve worked with survivors myself…(heaves a sigh). The emotional toll at times is more than one can bare. Yet, the price is the freedom all these individuals find in the clarity of letting it all out, finding a voice, dignity, themselves in the telling.
VU is your baby. But why not think of sharing some of the duties and care of the site. By doing so when you get overwhelmed your baby can continue to thrive and you can step back and recharge. When you fill the spiritual well of your soul once again, VU will be waiting, still thriving for you to mother once again.
It’s because of you this site is what it is dear friend. You gave it a life, to spread it’s wings. (Hugs)Indigo
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Thank you so much, Indigo. I so love your heart.
I’m getting better at sharing the duties. Not great, but better.
July 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Postmarc says:
Dammit, I’m sorry for feeling so selfish. Don’t go away.
Who the hell ever said we want you on a regular schedule! I don’t care if you decide to go a month or two between OFD posts. I don’t care if the post says that you don’t want to put up a post–you would still probably do it in a way that is cool. Just keep putting really clever things in the “filed under” to make us smile. (It’s my favorite part.)
I absolutely and truly love your words, and OFD, and the pictures you paint, and the emotions you pull up from deep inside both of us, all of us, so selfishly…don’t go away.
On the other hand, VU is so, so important that what I want doesn’t matter.
xoxo, and I mean it
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I’m not going anywhere, my friend. It’s more about… which method of blogging is better, the kind where you reveal all or the kind where you hold everything back. I guess I need to find balance.
Thank you.
Postmarc Reply:
July 10th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Balance…I just got this image of all of us on the low end of the blog-teeter-totter and li’l ol’ Maggie way up there high, just a’bouncing and a’bouncing, trying to make her end go down.
And that’s not even with wine!
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I appreciate that image, Marc, because I usually have absolutely no trouble making my end go down in real life. Haven’t felt that light since I was a kid.
July 7th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Kay says:
I’m so glad you wrote this. I don’t remember how I found you, but I do know that what keeps me coming back is your raw honesty – posts like this. That and the fact that your heart and soul are poured into VU.
As for you hiding while others bare themselves? So not true. You choose what you share here, just as those of us that have contributed to VU chose what parts of our stories to share. You’re not hiding behind anonymity. Every post that you put up here reveals a small part of you – you’re too good of a writer for it not to. While we may not know what you fed your kids for dinner last night, or when you last shaved your legs, we’re reading words that are straight from your heart. You’re telling just as much of your story as those at VU – just different pieces and in different ways.
I’m not sure what the right answer is – I can see how the two sites are pulling you in different directions. I’m not even sure there IS a right answer.
But know that in whatever capacity you choose to keep writing, there are plenty of us out there eager to hear what you have to say.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Thank you so much, Kay. This one made me teary.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
For Myself says:
Hi Maggie,
I take great joy in reading what you write, I sometimes comment (but always read) and I write just a little better for having read what you write. But that’s where I stop: reading, sometimes commenting, and writing.
The contests, the emails, the innards of the machine just aren’t for me. And I’m still happy with the whole thing, though I can see a little more clearly every day how the bottom could fall out for me, if I were to follow some of those temptations that can call me from time to time. That, of course, would leave me with an aching void.
So…any way to turn it down just enough to maintain the delicate balance? Or is it somehow (tragically) impossible to back up into that place?
Regardless, I really do love the way you write.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Balance is what I seek everywhere, all the time.
The fact that someone with your talent takes joy in what I’m writing floors me. And makes it all good.
July 7th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
David Levine says:
It would be such a waste to delete such nicely crafted verbiage. It’s clear from the past 100 comments that you’re well appreciated by a loyal community of readers. It seems that more than a few of the personal blogs I’ve liked to read over the past couple of years have shuttered their windows. Some just announce a break and take a month or two. That’s just fine. Like schmutze said, it’s your blog, you can do what you please with it dammit. Yes we’d miss the crap out of you. But, it’s OK, it’s not like you died. We’d know you were still living that idyllic life in Wisconsin …
I have a theory that the instantaneity of the internet induces a kind of time compression that can really do a number on the attention. Attention is what it’s all about. The time thing is illusory, an artifact of memory … but jeez, I don’t want to be the harbringer of bad tidings (hee hee — a genuine malaprop from a former coworker) I just want to reinforce schmutzie’s point about where the control is. Your sharing your life and words with us is, has been, a wonderful gift, so thank you very much.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Time compression… that makes so much sense to me. So much sense. I’m often so upset when I re-enter the blogworld after a break and see how much has happened in my absence; or I’m in the middle of a crisis and I blog it and no one notices… It is a little bit like visiting a time machine every single time, and some people never leave. For a long time I didn’t leave. *SIGH* Now you’ve got me thinking, as usual, David….
David Levine Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I was talking with an English professor today about this stuff, while setting up her new computer. We were sharing some distress over this temporal compression thing. The ever-shrinking attention span …The additional thought then struck me that the vastness of the internet is counterpoint to its immediacy. Our screens are like these little portals to infinity. But the vacuum is not empty, its full of all these people and their feelings and thoughts, as well as all the data and information …
I was also thinking about this contest you’ve mentioned. I know nothing of such things, but you surely deserve to win something for this tremendous effort of yours. Your posts are always so deeply simple and carefully rendered … very dependably high quality. I have yet to see a single typo.
) Thanks again for blogging Maggie. Now go out and do some weeding.
July 7th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
janet says:
Now that I don’t blog at my place any longer, I have taken a contemplative look at the whole thing. I can admit that it sucked me in too much, the reading and reciprocating. Now I just read the blogs I find enjoyable when I have the time/inclincation. I like that approach much better, but I do miss the outlet of writing in my own space. And I don’t know what to do about that.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I’ve been right where you are. It’s hard. (I came back, heh.)
July 7th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Jenna says:
Can I be honest?
I have never been as content with blogging as I am now.
I feel like I can write as I please, even if it means that I start comparing my love life to a stupid forest. When was the last time you saw me delete something? (recently, that is.)
I gave up on Blogher, the contests, the machine. I don’t regret a minute of it.
You are talented, and I know I am someone that suggested you take your blog in a direction that would benefit you, career wise, and I certainly don’t want to see you go into missing sock(blog) land; but perhaps you just need a more private outlet to work it all out?
Maybe Maggie, VU and OFD would benefit from that?
Please tell me I made sense. I’ve had some wine.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
You do make sense, hon. And I’m so glad you’re in a better place. SO glad.
July 7th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Missives From Suburbia says:
We talked about this very briefly when I saw you, but I’ve been feeling this way for a while now. As a result, I pulled my advertising so I wasn’t beholden to marketers’ posting requirements, and I think it’s probably been a couple weeks since I posted anything. I’d like to say it’s the passion for writing my book that is draining the blog, but I know that’s not true. The blog has simply taken a turn I didn’t wish for, and it needs to find its way home. I feel comfortable — in part because of bloggers like you who have made similar decisions in the past and returned, better and stronger — that my blog will come back to me when its ready.
As long as you promise to blog somewhere, I promise to read.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
And I would LOVE to continue that conversation. This time, with wine.
July 8th, 2009 at 7:38 am
Bennie says:
I truly admire your passion, Maggie. Even though you feel like the two sites are pulling you apart, neither would exist without the other. They are just two branches of the whole of you. As for the contest, it is what it is. I’m certain that all of us who blog feel that same emotion sometimes – like we’re in some popularity contest. The truth is that is just not the case….even though I’ve been known to fret over my site meter every once in a while…
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Thank you for saying that, Bennie. I think you’re absolutely right about the branches. I just need to find balance, I guess.
July 8th, 2009 at 9:28 am
starrlife says:
I can totally relate, that’s how I often feel in my career as well as in re: to blogging! It’s a transformational process and so it shifts and takes us places and then we have to re-assess it’s need and what we have become and where we want to go. What is really cool is when you visit a site that you realize is connected to so many different sites that you visit already and you never even realized how cool it was- the six degrees of separation thing! great post! Visit courtesy of Jane!
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Hey, welcome! That happens to me all the time, the six degrees of blogging separation. I’m always like, HOW have I not been reading this person?
July 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
themouthyhousewives says:
bringing attention to something that so many women suffer from makes you a winner everyday, all day.
jessica – tmh
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Thank you, Jessica. I don’t think we were chosen by the panel but we swept the popular vote, and that’s all I need to know, right? That people are reading and caring and hopefully learning.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:52 am
nic @mybottlesup says:
breathe baby, breathe…. you are soaring. VU is soaring. okayfinedammit is soaring. let it soar. let the wind carry you.
your wings are strong.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Thank you my sweet beautiful tattooed girl. xo
July 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Carolyn Online says:
You really do explain that so well. The angst of it all. But you left the post up! And that’s a good thing. And VU is your baby and you can’t help but feel crazy protective of it and want it to do well.
Just keep breathing and doing what you do in whatever way makes the most sense for you. Ok? Ok.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Leaving angsty posts up is my new resolution. Not trying to appear perfect. Not trying to control everything so tightly. Letting it all out – well, maybe not ALL of it, but more than I used to. (Isn’t that what blogs are for?)
July 9th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Elisa says:
I’m so glad you left it up! Because so many of us feel this way. Torn between two or more passions, torn between sharing all you feel like sharing and being scared of the possible consequences, torn between taking a break to give priority to real life and realizing that this IS real life, and that a break may help us breath easier for a time, but soon pressure starts building up and this is the best way to let it out.
And I’m so thankful that you are here, to inspire us with your writing and your incredible heart. Because it’s true we may only know people partially online, but of one thing I’m sure Maggie: you really are that loving, that talented, that amazing. And the fact that you are as self-conscious as you are passionate only make me like you more – because I’m like that too, so there’s at least two of us, and it’s no lonely anymore.
I love the blogosphere!
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Oh I’m self-conscious alright. You’re about to find out in person.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
blues says:
Maggie you are unbelievable. I don’t think there is a single blogger out there that I know of whose writing is as honest as yours. You may not think you bear all but I sweartogod, it feels like with every post you write you are just giving out your whole heart for us, and I’m sure that is where you are struggling, because if you give our your whole heart, is there enough left for the other site?
Shit, maggie. If you’re anything like me, even though people say, ‘No sweat, post when you want, comment when you want’ the honest truth is that I beat myself up over not reading, not commenting that it stops being enjoyable and starts feeling like an obligation and I’m so not good with obligation, I fail almost every time. And if a week has past and I’ve not posted anything I start feeling stressed and forced. And when i do post, I then panic that no one will leave a comment and everyone will hate it. And in some ways, the pressure to write forces me to do it and I know that even a lame post is still an exercise in writing and me sharing a small part of myself with whoever wants to know.
But I can tell when I read what you put out there that you NEED to write, you can tell because it’s simply amazing and inspiring. If you feel the pull and it pulls you that way instead of here, just reserve this space as your place, because sometimes I think you might need a place just for you. But whatever you decide I’m following you wherever girl.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Girl, that means so much coming from you. Thank you.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
A Free Man says:
I know where you’re coming from, man. I’ve been in a self-induced blogging crisis for a month or so now. With no resolution. It’s that stupid community thing that keeps me going right now. But I only have one site, so I can only imagine what it is to have two. Do what’s best for you.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Janie says:
I like this post. glad you didn’t delete it!
July 9th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
GirlGriot says:
So glad you didn’t delete this one. I haven’t been out here as long as you have, but I’ve felt the need to shut down, too. I’ve backed off posting, I’ve neglected all the people who’ve been nice enough to read my blog. Mostly, lately, I’ve realized that I’ve let my not-so-regular posting replace my ‘real’ writing (whatever that is), and I don’t know what to do about that.
I can see how VU would be very consuming. I read occasionally — can only manage it occasionally because reading the stories calls up so much for me and it’s hard. I tell myself that eventually I’ll send you my story, but I think that will be a long way off. I wonder if thinking about writing it all down is another of the things that have pulled me away from my ‘real’ writing …
I don’t check in here as often as I’d like, but I know I’m always glad to find you here, to hear what you have to say. do what works for you. We’ve all got your back.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Braja says:
When you are out in the back yard cooling down, can you stand on your tiptoes and wave, and maybe I’ll catch it….
xx
July 10th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Braja says:
When you are out in the back yard cooling down, can you stand on your tiptoes and wave, and maybe I’ll catch it….
xx
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Absolutely, my friend.
July 10th, 2009 at 4:02 am
Margaret (Nanny Goats) says:
Well, you’ve done it again. Written what we’re all thinking. I’ve felt the same way about my own blog and I don’t even have the traffic you do, how overwhelming that must be. And now with VU – holy cow!!! You are a wonder.
And stop worrying about reciprocating for Christ’s sake. Unless you want to kill yourself trying.
And another thing…why the hell would you delete this post?
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You are so awesome.
And happy birthday, by the way! Heading over to say hello right now….
July 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Mr Lady says:
Rock on, Mags, rock the fuck on.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I love you huge.
July 11th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Bee Repartee says:
Well said. If it makes you feel any better, I know so many who feel what you’ve voiced.
Community is a blessing…..dammit.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thank you Bee. It does help to know I’m not alone/crazy.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:09 am
debra says:
I hope you find and do what makes you most happy. My dream would be that you pursue the VU site, using this personal blog as a release for some of that emotional exhaustion. But what I want is not important. Do what makes you feel best. And the rest of us who love you and admire what you do will be here to support and respect it.
Sending hugs and positive energy your way…
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Thank you hon. I think that’s my dream, too. It’s how I used my blog back in the day, when it was just me and my freelance work, and I came over here to vent the unstructured, non-deadline stuff. I think I need to regroup VU and think of it as the same way.
July 11th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Lala says:
peaks and valleys my friend, peaks and valleys.
I used to follow infertility and cancer blogs until my heart couldn’t take any more. Now I’m trying to keep up with my local bloggers more in the hopes of tying my twitter/blogger mates into my irl. I’ve only been blogging for five years and I’ve loved and lost more readers than I can count. If we forge a connection then we’re still together in whatever forum works best.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Only five years?? That’s an eternity in blogland! What you say makes a lot of sense. Peaks and valleys.
July 12th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Sugar Jones says:
I just stopped going over to the contest site. I knew that no matter who won the coveted broom (LOL), I would still love reading your words as well as Heather’s and NieNie’s. These contests are so funny. On the one hand, it’s nice to be recognized, and nice to see our favorites recognized. On the other hand, the voting is so artificial.
My carpool blogger came up with an idea to do a “Most” list upon return from Chicago. Things like “Best dressed” and “Most likely to rock the dance floor”. I smacked her upside the head. She agreed.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:38 am
HAAAA. Yeah, no “most” list for me. And I hear you, I hated “competing” with them, especially because I’m not sure it was worth it. I just hope we reached some people who didn’t yet know about VU.
July 13th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
The contests are so strange sometimes. VU has already won something far bigger.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I agree.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:13 am
ZDub says:
Some days I just feel so much pressure to tweet and retweet and be funny and cool and look-at-all-my-follwers. I recently turned off my site meter because I have decided it doesn’t matter to me if I have 2 readers or 200 in one day, I will blog regardless.
Thanks for everything, Maggie.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I actually never look at Sitemeter either, not unless it’s a weird red-flag type situation. I stopped looking probably a year ago and I agree, it’s completely freeing.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Lee of MWOB says:
Maggie – you are a friggin’ gem out here. I can NOT agree with you more about these contests and where it starts leading us. There are sooooo many worthy professions that do not host contests. In the creative realm, in my opinion, there are too many. Being creative puts your soul at a disadvantage. We are emotive, sensitive, heart people – we pour a bit of ourselves into our work and it’s so friggin’ hard to be “judged” in a contest. I’m not sure why these blogging competitions started but I’m generally not a fan. It’s a mindset I don’t want to get myself into because as you said, it starts invading your real world and your heart.
You will always have a strong following because you are real as they come and that is damn hard to find around town.
As Mr. Lady said – rock on.
maggie, dammit Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Oh, Lee. Thank you. xoxo
July 16th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Gypsy says:
The internet can be just one big popularity contest, which irks me all to shit. Just be. That mantra won’t get me anywhere at all, but at the same time it won’t get me any drama, either.
I love what you do here and over at VU. Keep it up. Follow your heart. The rest doesn’t matter all that much, in the scheme of things.
July 20th, 2009 at 8:56 am
brandi says:
Maggie – I just read this today, but HAVE to tell you that I am one of the many hardcore readers of VU. I can’t begin to express how those stories have touched me. You are a hero, in every sense of the word. Thank you.
July 21st, 2009 at 8:28 am
Captain Steve says:
I still read. I’ve regressed to the lurking stage, but I’m still here. I think VU is amazing.
July 28th, 2009 at 9:05 am