I know I’m not supposed to title this “Happy Mother’s Day” right?
The hip, trendy, anti-mommyblog thing to say right here is that you don’t define me and neither does this day, but the honest truth of it is you do, my god, but you do, and when did it become cool to pretend differently? I know who I was before you and she was okay, but she wasn’t this. You know we aren’t sitting around gluing faces on popsicle sticks or anything like that, no offense to those who are, because it’s hard out there for a pimp, you know, and we’re all doing the best we can, at home or not, bottle-ing or breasting, pto-ing or blogging, and so it’s not about that, it’s more like how you’ve changed me so that now I think through each and every thing like a thrice-baked potato. Everything I do, I think, what does this say to my girls? Every advertisement I see, every joke I hear, every subtle message I wonder, what is this telling you about yourself and how can we take this, grab it, mold it, improve upon it, send it back out into the world less hobbled and judgy? And tell me that’s not doing something wildly important, I dare you, and I’ll flash these mama bear fangs your way, people. And I’m not gonna lie, when you use your adverbs properly, when you shimmy and knuckle-knock, when you giggle like hyenas I feel a surge of joy so electric I can’t help but pat my proud self on the back, whether it’s officially mother’s day or not. I don’t need those glitter-flecked Hallmark missives and pre-packaged gratitude instead give me this, flowers plucked from the garden by your own grubby hands, orange juice squeezed with careful turns of your impossibly delicate wrists, carcass peels and sticky orange blood all over the table and those grins, oh those grins, because I get that you are supposed to be celebrating me today but I am actually celebrating you, and even though five minutes after this picture was taken you were already back at each other’s throats and ohmygodtheskyisfallingwhereisMYbreakfast-ing again, my own grin remained, and remains still, because I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.
and you, my man, my lord you have tried my patience a time or two yourself but god you are far better than I ever imagined I was worth and now that’s your job, convincing these kids by your very existence that this is how they’d better be treated one day (stamp your feet, little girls!) and please know that I know, know full well, that behind every carefully-prepared frozen-bagel feast is a man whose heart is too big to be stuffed inside, and even though the ache of this love has cracked my own shell wide open, yours is a suitable and (frankly) far superior replacement and so let’s tuck back inside it on this fine mother’s day morning, down where it’s warm and squishy and smells like soil, and fall back to sleep where I’ll dream of things that will never even come close to matching any of this.
Jennifer H says:
I could try to write something here, but it wouldn’t come close to matching any of this.
Enjoy every minute of this.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Crystal D says:
Love it. Gorgeous.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Elisa says:
Isn’t it amazing how much of ourselves actually somehow belongs to them in a way? To our wonderful husbands, to our lovely kids?
Isn’t it weird how you find things in yourself you didn’t know you had when you fall in love with the right person, when you become a mother for the first, second, and (I’m guessing) subsequent times?
Isn’t it peculiar that a true, intense love can drive you crazy but also bring the best out of you?
And isn’t it funny that you have moments when you think you’ll never love anyone else that much, and yet shockingly you can love that same person more and more each day, week, month, year?
I guess it isn’t, if you are a mom
Happy Mother’s Day, Maggie! Thank you for inspiring us
May 10th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Kat says:
Is that the top half of a sesame seed bagel? Because that’s exactly what I had for my Mother’s Day breakfast, too.
Happy Mother’s Day, Maggie.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club says:
I think this post makes you the absolute coolest mom ever. Happy Mother’s Day!
May 10th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Karen MEG says:
Awwwww, lovely Mother’s Day Post.
From another breakfast-bagel-eating mother
xoxo
May 10th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Musingwoman says:
>>>I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.
I feel the same way. I’ve learned more from my children than I’ve ever taught them.
Just this morning my 19-yr-old daughter and I talked about life and death and beauty. Everything she said inspired me to be a better person.
P.S. my kids also got me addicted to sour gummie worms, so there is a dark side to their influence
May 10th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Pamela says:
I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.
Amen, sister!
May 10th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Twitted by BarbAtSea says:
[...] This post was Twitted by BarbAtSea – Real-url.org [...]
May 10th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Robin Einzig says:
You are a lucky lucky woman.
Happy Mother’s Day.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Christy says:
As is often the case Maggie, you have made me think in color today rather than my typical black and white. And you’ve even helped to change my perception a little bit–that was a great Mother’s Day gift…thank you! I hope continue to have a splendid day today.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Coast Rat says:
Very nice, Maggie!
Happy Mothers Day!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Fran says:
Happy Mother’s Day! Ain’t nothin’ wrong with dat.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:33 am
For Myself says:
There was an ever so slightly frantic tone there. I think it was the tone of a lovestruck, choreladen, I’mnotworthy, howinthehell, putthatdown!, stayjustthewayyouarerightnow, lookbothways mother. I’d recognize it anywhere.
I love that you’re rolling and revelling in it too. It’s delicious.
May 10th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Xbox4NappyRash says:
Lovely.
May 10th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Coco says:
Your girls are adorable.
May 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
jen says:
um … yes … that’ s exactly it.
thanks for making it sound so clear.
May 10th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hip Mom's Guide says:
Absolutely eloquent. Have a wonderful Mother’s day!
May 10th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Vicky says:
*Sigh* For you, for this, I’ll take 20 seconds out of my Mother’s day, and tell you what you already know, you smacked it square on the head!!
Happy Mother’s Day
May 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Frogdancer says:
Absolutely.
May 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
blues says:
Love love love these Maggie thoughts. Happy Mothers Day.
May 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Dory says:
“I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.”
That’s goosebumpy beautiful.
May 10th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
A Free Man says:
Happy Mother’s Day, Maggie.
I’m pretty sure that once you get to a certain age – not that you’re necessarily there yet, but I am – you get to stop giving a damn about what’s trendy!
Enjoy the day.
May 10th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Lea says:
Over here from Charming Bitch. You nailed it.
May 10th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Brooke says:
I am so there with you. You made me smile broadly with a tear in my eye as you reflected my sentiments so closely.
Thanks,
Good job
May 10th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Melissa says:
Happy Mother’s Day Maggie, with lots of love to you and your beautiful girls.
May 10th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Mojo says:
Only you could do justice to motherhood in the written word Maggie. Every time I think you can’t amaze more, you do.
I hope your Mother’s Day, and your every day, is just like this.
Nobody deserves it more.
May 10th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Mommy Cracked says:
What can I say other than this totally rocks? Happy Mother’s Day, dammit!
May 10th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Heather says:
We had pancakes. Me and two kids in bed, one patient funny man with a tray.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Mr Lady says:
I can’t think of anything better to define yourself by. Happy mother’s day, babycakes.
May 10th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
qt says:
Cute overload. Happy Mother’s Day, sweetie!
May 11th, 2009 at 5:15 am
furiousball says:
that was sweet. happy mother’s day to you!
May 11th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Justme says:
((because I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.))
Yeah.
Happy Mother’s Day to you Maggie.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:31 am
Tricia says:
It sounds and looks delightful.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Emily R says:
you know, i notice trucks even when i am not with the boys. i get that “look, a cement mixer feeling and then remember they aren’t there.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Blunt says:
“The honest truth is you do, my god, but you do.” (In this vein, my mom sent ME a Mother’s Day card. I think I’m STILL crying.)
I’m so proud of you for subverting the dominant paradigm of mommyblog-dom on this day, and this topic. It’d be a hard argument that there is a role on earth more important than being a mother.
The best part, for me, is that I get to SEE you being an amazing mother all the time – I see this, what you’ve written here, in every interaction.
(You hear that, OFD readers? You think she’s great here on her blog but YOU JUST DON’T KNOW HOW *TRULY* GREAT THIS WOMAN IS.)
You know how I feel right now abt being a mother and we don’t need to get into it in a public forum but I will say one thing: when I get there, I will have learned many of the graceful, kind things I know from YOU, love. From you.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Don Mills Diva says:
I’m not too cool to say it…
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 11th, 2009 at 9:23 am
we_be_toys says:
Beautiful, just like those grins!
I much prefer the homemade cards, and boy, were my two cards one-of-a-kind masterpieces! The living room floor STILL looks like a fallout zone from the creative process that went into them, but whattya gonna do?
Happy Muthah’s Day, to a grand lady!
May 11th, 2009 at 10:24 am
jodifur says:
Amazing post
May 11th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Undomestic Diva says:
WOW.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Mom says:
Amen again, from the one you brought soggy cheerios along with the toasted bagel to. You make me prouder every day. What a gift you are.
love,
Mom
May 11th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
sweetsalty kate says:
UM. The dimples on the right and the eyes on the left? They could bring me a can of crushed arseholes for breakfast in bed and I’d gobble it up.
Gorgeous. No wonder.
xo
May 11th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
sweetsalty kate says:
Okay, so yeah. That was totally gross.
…that’s what we say we’d eat around here when we’re really, really damn hungry. Nothing against arseholes. Except the figurative kind. I don’t like those. They’re way too chewy.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
citystreams says:
Beautiful. And so true. You brought tears to my eyes when you started waxing eloquent about grubby hands and orange peel blood.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Amber says:
What a sweet post.
I’m glad you had a wonderful Mother’s Day.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
amanda says:
Gorgeous!
May 12th, 2009 at 3:53 am
arizaphale says:
Geez Maggie. And I was just going to say ‘I love my kid’.
Seriously though, I read recently that adults do not give birth to children, children enable adults to be born. I know that was true for me. Cuddle those babies and hope you had a great mother’s Day!!!!
May 12th, 2009 at 6:04 am
tysdaddy says:
Ain’t kids cool?!
Happy Mother’s Day, a wee bit late . . .
May 12th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
mommymae says:
that was just perfect.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Eaton Bennett says:
First up, Maggie, congratulations on your ViolenceunSilenced award, awesome!!! So very well deserved!
Your Mother’s Day blog echoed exactly how I feel about being a mom.
Because I have seven children I get told all the time, “My you’re a glutton for punishment aren’t you.” Nothing is more offensive or downgrading or patronizing than that particular comment. But I just smile and think to myself, you have no idea!
Society has lost the plot when rubbishing a mom’s role has become such a commonplace event.
So glad you shared your thoughts on this.
regards,
Eaton
May 12th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Carver says:
This is a great mother’s day post. I’m a mother and although my only daughter is 24, once a mother always a mother. I could appreciate this post so much.
I came via Mojo’s blog and wanted to congratulate you on the DAIS Community Service Award. What important work you do! Regards, Carver
May 12th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
shadow says:
hiya! came over from mojo’s and i think you’re doing a remarkable job! and congratulations on the dais community service award!!!
May 12th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Amias says:
Maggie, congratulations on your ViolenceunSilenced award!!! You truly deserves it! Everywhere I go in the blogworld and out, I sang your praise for what you are doing. I too suffered domestic violence, and it’s folks like you that helped me so many years ago. Thank you for all that you do! Happy belated Mother’s Day!
May 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
magiceye says:
Hey Congratulations for the award!
Mojo directed me here.
You sure deserve it!
Keep up the good work!
May 13th, 2009 at 12:28 am
Sandi McBride says:
What a great post…I’m still proud to be called a mother (as long as any other descriptive verbs or adjectives are left by the way side) and I can see that you are certainly well loved! I wanted to come in and say congratulations on an award that really matters. Here’s an “AttaGirl” from the heart!
Sandi
May 13th, 2009 at 3:03 am
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo says:
Yes, a thousand times yes.
But I skipped over the last part, you understand don’t you? Just a little too painful right now.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:27 am
Sheila says:
Maggie, congratulations on your much-deserved award! I read a post from Mojo about you winning and what a great person you are, and from what I have read here, I can certainly understand him singing your praises. Great job!
XO,
Sheila…whose sixteen-year old cousin (who is now married and attending medical school) was carjacked on the way home from cheerleader practice and thought the carjackers were going to kill both her and the friend who was with her. The carjackers were brandishing saw-offed shotguns. She and her friend escaped unharmed, but how easily things could have gone amiss.
May 13th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Mama Zen says:
God, this is gorgeous!
May 13th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Janet says:
My lord woman! That was outstanding.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Rosidah Abidin says:
Hi Maggie, Happy Belated Mother’s Day! This is such a lovely post. I come from Mojo’s blog and just wanted to say what a remarkable job you do with Violence UnSilenced. It is an outstanding blog that really deserves the spotlight for the DAIS Community Service Award. Hopefully it will save and help even more shattered lifes. Thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful day
May 13th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Woman in a window says:
And I could consider that I came to this a week late…or just in time. It’s always time, isn’t it. Damn perfectly put.
May 14th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Trenches of Mommyhood says:
So, so beautiful and so, so true.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Missives From Suburbia says:
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie… I think I’m going to create a blog that does nothing but link to your blog (I’m already part-way there with my Mother’s Day link — thanks for understanding that I was hopping on a plane and didn’t have time to warn you about that!)
This line gave wings to my very soul:
“…because I know you think I gave birth to you but really you delivered me.”
Indeed.
May 19th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Aubrey says:
Wow. Them’s some lovely girls you have there!
(((happy mother’s day!)))
me
June 1st, 2009 at 6:23 pm