The list of things that would mean absolutely nothing if
I can’t find the summer school forms. Did I piss anyone off with last night’s tired post? I haven’t balanced my checkbook in weeks. Should I switch my Netflix settings from 2-at-a-time to 3-at-a-time? This article is one of the worst I have ever written and it’s a week late. I’m scared to join the PTO but I really should. Last night’s dinner was inedible. My Google Reader is rapidly approaching Montezuman potential. I can’t believe G left her clothes lying around on my finally-spotless floor. Why does Dave insist on filling half-full oatmeal bowls with water and leaving them to expand and devolve in the sink — does he seriously think that is cleaning? I really don’t have time to meet with my friend this afternoon but I’ve canceled three times already. Is E ready for her first belt test? I never have enough time to myself, I’m going crazy with these people. I have four stories due, like, yesterday. When am I gonna pay my bills? Do people talk about me behind my back? I’ve never been to Disneyland. Are we ever gonna use those about-to-expire airline vouchers? I’m ingesting too much wine and not enough green. Speaking of green, I used plastic bags yesterday, dammit. Do mommy bloggers exploit their kids? Are mommy bloggers unfairly targeted? Do people see me as a mommy blogger? I will not pay $25 for a bottle of jelly beans disguised as children’s vitamins, even if they are organic. Did I remember to record Real Housewives of New York? Do I really have to go to that birthday party? When are we making G’s dentist appointment? I am the worst mom ever. I really wish I had a gray v-neck cashmere sweater, it would be so versatile.
This is a partial list of things that would mean absolutely nothing if I were riding in a taxi cab with my husband on the way to the airport and we smashed head-on into a truck.
Every stress, every trigger, every judgment, every anxious thought, would explode in a cloud of papers and shoes and toothbrushes and flutter lazily down to rest on the highway in an eerie calm until the street sweeper pushed it away into the landfill of Things That Really Don’t Matter. Just like that.
We are all, each one of us, at every turn, an instant away from profound change. Every moment counts, it really does.
Things that do matter: Love. Dave. My family. My good friends. My kids. Sunshine.
What’s on your list?
***
She simply thought she was going to the airport. Please pray for my friend Braja.
Lady Fi says:
Thanks for spreading the word.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:46 am
Screwed Up Texan says:
I’ve always questioned myself which “blogging category” I fall into. I just keep telling everyone I am something different. I think I’ve morphed so many times I am verging on developing mulitple blogging personalities. Just call them my multiple blognalities.
Thanks for the link. Read earlier.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:49 am
Xbox4NappyRash says:
Horrific events.
I wish them a good recovery.
My list, exactly the same Maggie, exactly the same.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Nicole says:
Wow. How awful! This is what I keep trying to tell the mother. WHO CARES if there is a spoon in the sink? Does it matter all THAT much if leaves are trapped in the landscaping rock?
Seriously. Just go out with your friends. They may be gone tomorrow.
March 13th, 2009 at 7:59 am
Jennifer H says:
Perspective. Tragedy always has a way of handing that out by the bushel.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Scout's Honor says:
Yep, you just explained my head, especially when I try to sleep at night. Too much. Way too much to do. My husband always tells me I am too stressed and I should mediate.
Yes, meditate.
Excuse me?
Plonk. That was the sound of the frying pan hitting his head. No, really, I am no Chris Brown. I don’t hit my husband. I just slanted my eyes at him and hissed.
But how dare he tell me to add another thing to my list of things to do?!?!
Gah!
March 13th, 2009 at 8:40 am
we_be_toys says:
I hate having to fit into a category, and fear not – my list is equally as long about equally unanswerable stuff.
I can’t believe the news about Braja and her husband – I’d just heard from her.
Just like Jannifer H said – nothing like tragedy to bring home just how good even a mundane-seeming life is.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:47 am
pamela says:
Why does Dave insist on filling half-full oatmeal bowls with water and leaving them to expand and devolve in the sink — does he seriously think that is cleaning?
I ask myself this same question daily, except I substitute JON for DAVE.
Prayers for Braja and her husband. She’s a lovely one.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Marty says:
I woke up today peeved about my first-world problems – dog had lifted his leg on newly washed slipcover on chair, kitchen a disaster – as usual, can’t pay health insurance and mortgage together this month, etc. Then I read your Tweet about your friends. Stopped me cold. She is such a beautiful woman. As an old Russian orthodox friend of mine says, “We pray for her till we sweat.” Please keep us updated.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:56 am
LaskiGal says:
A post on perspective. A post on being thankful, grateful . . .
A post on being thoughtful, honest . . .
A post about what matters framed by what doesn’t, not really, anyway.
Maggie inspires.
What matters . . . those I love being safe, healthy and happy. And me, getting to be part of every moment of it.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:04 am
anymommy says:
Oh god, thanks for posting about the accident.
My morning includes a walk with my two closest friends and all our kids to get coffee. Maybe it sounds petty, but that is important and I’m going to treasure it.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Prefers Her Fantasy Life says:
I am ending a long marriage and was called a lying scum and a manipulative alcoholic with a sicko, twisted view on things this week. TMI? Sorry. I should save it for my own blog.
In spite of this, I am not being shot at or fighting breast cancer. I tell myself this several times a day.
Sometimes it works better than others. Thanks for the additional reminder.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club says:
Thanks for posting…. It makes the issues at hand in our own lives seem ridiculously small when tragedy occurs. I wish she wasn’t so far, far away.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:07 am
racheld says:
I was up a ladder when the phone rang—I usually sit down here and very quietly sign on to see what’s going on while I shoulder-hold the phone and talk. This time it was Chris, my husband, with word of his faraway call that he’s making today, WAY across I-74, and our conversation scattered to wishing I had gone along, and we’d hit a B&B and do a little sightseeing tomorrow, to nice people we know, and how we’d like to gather them all around us, with our moat to keep all else at a far remove.
We ran on into coincidence, and how we’re never grateful enough for what DOESN’T happen, on to who of our dear Grandchildren might or might not have been born had we not met way down South and moved here, with the result that our children could meet people FROM here that they never would have known, etc., etc.
And Today’s musings of what’s important and what’s not worth a bucket of tar, or who is important, and WHAT IFs and why nots, and then I linked onto Braja’s happy little anticipatory note of her expected travels, in a looking-forward but been-there-done-that kind of way—just planning the day and jotting it down as casually as Tampax and Tide and Toothpaste on the list in the fridge magnet.
And the world tilted.
So—my what ifs and maybes are going to be contemplated with the gravity they deserve, and the dustbunnies and the missed TV show and the niggle to get those library books together—those will be relegated to the same file. Not necessarily the ROUND one, but the lesser important, the least important in all the other things that missed us on their way to smacking into the Earth.
I AM gonna get back on that ladder and deal with those dust-bunnies that have climbed HIGH. The low ones can take care of themselves.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:10 am
tysdaddy says:
Perspective. On a Friday, no less.
Thanks, my friend . . .
March 13th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Jewels says:
Great blog as usual. We often need to gain perspective about what really matters in our lives. I hope to teach my son that is it is people and not things that matter.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:29 am
conversemomma says:
Mags. We need to keep what is close to us true and real and not let the other distractions creep in. That is what your posts reminds me of. I hope your friends, a fellow blogger, is okay.
We are so much alike, you and I. I have this constant soundtrack in my head of worry. It can be hard to drown it out.
I don’t have the answer to most of your questions but I can tell you this, anyone that is worth caring about will love this space regardless if they agree with every single thing you say. And, if they are talking about you behind your back it would only be with envy. Don’t worry about that. We can’t control what people think of us. We can only work hard to be proud of who we are. Be proud, Maggie girl.
You are lovely. Breathe. Hug your kids and hubs. You will conquer your deadlines, and do it with grace. You will be like Rilke and live your way into these questions step by step.
Grace is a synonym for you, okay?
March 13th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Woman in a window says:
Wake up call! Thanks! I needed that.
W-a-k-i-n-g u-p…
March 13th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Lee of MWOB says:
And the world tilted. That comment was perfect.
And your post…what a perspective to give us. I truly can not believe what is going on with Braja… Our interchanges have been few but always meaningful…she is in my prayers.
It’s so fascinating how the trivial list fills our brain and the meaningful one is much shorter but somehow has a harder time finding it’s way into our busy brain.
I’m all about my short list today. Thanks for that.
March 13th, 2009 at 11:42 am
derfina says:
Praying HARD.
March 13th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Mojo says:
I saw the name and wondered … “Do I know this woman?” The name sounds vaguely familiar, but I have several readers from India.
Realizing that this question had raised itself was a colossal disappointment. Because it doesn’t matter. Whether I know her or not is immaterial. What matters is that a woman is injured, her husband and another man are fighting for their lives and they need all the good energy they can get.
Surely I can spare that much.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Rhea says:
Scary. I hope she and her husband come out of this OK.
March 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
David Levine says:
For maybe a hundred people on Earth at any given instant, the world is tilting. I hope all our positively focused thoughts and prayers are helpful to Braja and her husband. ♥
March 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Spring says:
Prayers for Braja and her husband. Great post, Maggie.
March 13th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Heather says:
Oh dear. I am so sorry. (I left a little note for them.)
March 13th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Elisa says:
Love. My daughters. My husband. My family and friends. Being true to who I am.
March 13th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Kate Coveny Hood says:
I think the same thing whenever I hear a sad/tragic/terrifying story.
After having three kids within 18 moths (yes – two were twins), it’s not that unusual for my husband to exclaim about how much our lives “suck” right now. We pay two mortgages worth of daycare bills each month, we never go out, and we always have at least one child attached to at least one appendage.
But I never buy into this. My mind immediately goes to stories like the one you referenced above. And I say, “no, our lives don’t suck – in fact, we’re actually the luckist people alive.”
March 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Out-Numbered says:
Wow. That’s crazy and upsetting and profound and true. Made me think… Nice post and prayers for your friends.
March 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
CharmingBitch says:
First, much love and hope to your friends for a full and speedy recovery.
Second, having weathered some crazy ridiculous circumstance and situations in the last few years I have to tell you this I have learned: Balls to the wall, worst case circumstance, all of those little things you mention still matter. Not as intensely, not as urgently but no matter how crushed you are with tragedy, the little things, little annoyances are still there regardless. I know, I know sounds counter-intuitive but it’s been my experience that your brain can’t always be on ‘full alert’ and while trauma and loss take first place front and center, at some point you wonder about the PTO, fret about the dishes and get angry about the laundry. And sometimes it will make you feel like an asshole. But most of the time it should make you feel………human.
All that to say: The little concerns or things we brush off as first world concerns, are valid in our day to day lives, they just are and that is how we exist. The big things, disease, loss, accidents, tragedies are more pressing and take us ‘out’ of the little things but they don’t shelter us from the rest of life. Believe me, I have tried to hide and it doesn’t work that way.
This is an epic comment (sorry) but I just want to say beating ourselves up for having worries day to day doesn’t mean those things cease to matter when something much bigger than us or that we have difficulty comprehending happens or that we’re bad people for focusing on the smaller things when there is usually so little we can do to prevent or fix the big things when they occur. Ebb and flow, rock and roll, get up the next day and hope for the best.
As an aside Maggie, you’re the tops. Seriously.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Postmarc says:
What is important is what can’t be plugged in, bought, faked or lived without. It IS love and sunshine and family and the good friends…don’t forget the ocean…she will keep you real.
And our positive thoughts are powerful, indeed, for your friend Braja.
March 13th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
flutter says:
Braja is awesome, thank you for spreading the word
March 14th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Miss Britt says:
I immediately started mentally running through the list.
And they were all names.
Jared… Devin.. Emma… Adam.. Mom… Creed…
The people.
March 14th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Fran says:
Bless you for spreading the word and for reminding us of our priorities. God is love and He tops my list. Husband, kids, extended family – all of my relationships that are so dear to me. My backyard oasis which offers me a place to hide from the world and remember what is important, and to consider the big picture.
Peace,
March 14th, 2009 at 9:00 am
bluestreak says:
you always help me bring my head around to gratefulness again. For that, I´m grateful.
March 14th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Karen MEG says:
Life is indeed fragile. I’m so sorry to hear about Braja and her husband, hopefully they’ll recover quickly.
My list is full of the people who inspire me; my family, my friends. Thanks for the reminder.
March 14th, 2009 at 10:50 am
vodkamom says:
you know what? You are goddammed incredible. THAT’S what.
March 14th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
magpie says:
how’d you get into my head like that?
March 15th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Jerseygirl89 says:
Wow, I really needed to read that today.
March 16th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
mamatulip says:
The fragility of life…I’m so sorry about Braja. My thoughts are with her, with her husband and with you.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Melissa says:
I really have never lost that lesson the one time I learned it. That life can change in in INSTANT. It’s best not to ever forget that. I love even more deeply because of it. Thanks for yet another reminder. I am sending all the love I can to her and her husband.
Steve, my best girlfriends, my mom and sister, my cat, my time alone… these are the things that really matter to me and not much more. Always a good thing to reflect on.
Love you, Maggie!
March 16th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Mary@Everyday Baby Steps says:
Love ya, Maggie. Thanks. This is something I try to keep in mind every day. I love my life, even the annoying, overwhelming parts.
March 17th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Missives From Suburbia says:
You are so right.
March 17th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Lesley says:
Ohhhh dammit, Ms. Maggie Dammit! I have never met a post of yours I didn’t love. But this one? Has instantly shot up to my top five. I got so pulled into the rhythm and cadence of your first paragraph that your sudden shift to what you were REALLY writing about had just the effect that was intended. Message received. Priorities reset. Reminded of why I love the world of blogging: Posts like this one.
This is wonderful and so, so true. I read the story of the accident the day you tweeted it. She and her family are all still in my prayers.
March 17th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Kelley says:
I got my own little wake up call last week too.
Put everything into perspective. Made me realise that I am unkind to myself and my body.
And my body let me know in a big way that it is mad as hell and it ain’t gunna take it anymore.
The little things are just little things.
March 18th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Janet says:
I’m sorry about your friend.
Things that matter to me right now: my family and their feelings; taking care of my body; being kind.
March 18th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Deedle says:
Thank you for the reminder about the important things. As I was muttering about my “problems” last night and my daughter told me her good friend’s family had been evicted. We must remember the gifts we are given.
March 18th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Connect with your Teens says:
Its nice to get a reminder like this every now and then. Thanks
March 19th, 2009 at 6:31 am
golublog says:
Didn’t see that ending coming. Good for perspective. I won’t complain about anything else today.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
nutmeg says:
Crap. Prayers, karma, energy, hopes and thoughts.
I would really like a grey cashmere sweater though.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Okay, Fine, Dammit » Why I’m not much better than an Internet troll says:
[...] — but were we standing here looking one another in the eye, I would lose my nerve. I wrote an entire post for Braja, Twittered and commented and emailed, but I’ve got her phone number sitting right [...]
March 20th, 2009 at 6:29 am
I know EXACTLY what they’re talking about « Looked good on paper says:
[...] know EXACTLY what they’re talking about 2009 March 22 by Tami Yesterday I read this post and I started to think how much (sadly) I can relate to [...]
March 21st, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Natalie says:
My prayers for your friend and her husband.
March 29th, 2009 at 4:45 am
Braja says:
Bless your beautiful heart, Maggie.
Wish you’d rung me
xxx
April 9th, 2009 at 10:13 pm