Prematurely Bra-less, Happy as a Snowbird
I have decided that it is imperative to my mental health that I evolve into a “snowbird,” as we northerners affectionately refer to the elderly among us who flee Wisconsin in droves once the temperature dips below freezing, a flock of happy little geriatric parakeets. I’ve decided I must become a snowbird, even if it means suffering the indignities of a recreational vehicle and sweatshirts with festive appliqué. It’s quite obviously more than worth it.
The only problem, as I see it (other than sustainable retirement coffers in the current economy and several decades between me and an appropriate retirement age) is that my husband will never go for it. As he drove me to the airport at 4:30am this past Sunday morning (old people hours! Excellent practice!) he announced that winter was his absolute favorite season, without a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I then learned (when he emailed photographic evidence) that he took the girls ice-skating that night and the next. Well, live it up while you can, jerk, because mama’s comin’ home in two days and angst-y indoor brooding will resume.
(This marriage is doomed.)
I was sitting here this morning (5:30am!) thinking that there might be some way to speed this process up. I would just lie in the sun all day to prematurely age myself by light years, but it’s 40 degrees here in the Sunshine State. Make no mistake – I am not complaining. Forty degrees Fahrenheit is exactly 46 degrees warmer than Wisconsin was yesterday (that is the truth, not poetic license) and so I’ve been perfectly content to shiver on the ocean-front deck, unzipping my fleece jacket to expose my bare shoulders every 27 minutes or so. When that gets to be too much, I simply go inside and press my naked body to the sunny sliding glass door. It’s working: I’ve got a bit of sunburn, albeit patchy.
I like drinking fruity alcoholic beverages with intentional ice cubes at 2:00pm. I like dining on these funny little hushpuppy creations at 4:30pm. I like retiring to my pastel-colored chambers just after Matlock. Sure, I could use a little more leafy greens as opposed to the ever-present iceberg lettuce but, as my smartass husband points out, “iceberg” makes the snowbirds feel more at home.
Today I’m going to put on a bra for the first time in two days and shuffle down to the local Winn Dixie in an attempt to buy Breathe Right Strips. If the cashier doesn’t bat an eye, I’ll consider it a sign. (Incidentally, does anybody know what time the Winn Dixie opens? Should I at least wait until the sun comes up?)
The evidence could not be clearer: I need sunshine. I need it.
My mood is greatly improved.
Nicole says:
Glad you’re having a good time. I think I have a solution to your retirement woes. It’s one I’ve been clinging to for years: Powerball.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:34 am
stacy di says:
I’m with you on the sunshine thing, girl! Soak up a little extra for me, would you?!! I have exactly 7 weeks and one day until I get mine.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Deb on the Rocks says:
I’m sorrry you didn’t get the full experience because of the cold snap going on in the Sunshine State right now. If temperatures in the 40s are making me crawl under the covers and moan, I’m not sure how y’all survive and get things done wthout losing your minds. And I grew up in Chicago. So I guess my point is that Florida can ruin you. I’m wishing you a peaceful re-entry into hibernation.
February 5th, 2009 at 7:47 am
furiousBall says:
for what it’s worth, I also haven’t worn a bra in two days
February 5th, 2009 at 8:09 am
But Why Mommy says:
I’ve spent all winter on travel websites planning imaginary vacations to warm weather desitinations. But unfortunately for me the furthest south I’ll get this winter is Chicago (and Chicago in February is the same if not worse than Milwaukee in February).
February 5th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Natalie says:
I love reading this side of you. It’s refreshing. We call them snowbirds here, too, and they have gigantic communities (really, they are cities in themselves) just for the 55+ crowd.
You need to come to AZ sometime. We don’t have oceans, but we have cacti. And pools. LOTS of pools, resorts galore and spa’s if you are into that sort of thing.
Oh, and I’m fairly certain that we have more shopping malls per capita than anywhere else in the US.
Does your husband like golf? If he does, you might convince him yet to be a snowbird.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ashleigh says:
I’m in FL and thankful every day for not having to deal with snow.
=)
February 5th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Katie says:
It’s supposed to hit mid-40s on Saturday!! And again on Monday!!! Spring is right around the corner, my dear.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Rebecca says:
I’m so jealous. I spent 40 minutes outside of a gas station (don’t ask) two nights ago. I’m surprised I still have my toes.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Justme says:
So glad to hear you are having a good time, Maggie :0) Amazing what a little vitamin D can do for the soul, eh?
40 degrees sounds FABULOUS coming from your neighbor to the West who has also been bearing this frigid winter with gritted teeth. Sounds like we might hit 35 by Saturday, so it should be working it’s way over to you guys shortly after you return ;0)
Soak up enough of that beautiful sun to tide you over for these last couple of months of winter…hopefully by April we will have Spring in swing, right?
February 5th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Jennifer H says:
I know from snowbirds, girl. From October to April, the streets become perilous and the driving slows way down here in AZ. Plus, the wait at Village Inn is three times as long on Sundays.
That said, we’ve got sunshine. Add it to your list and tell your husband it’s only a 3 hr drive to Flagstaff – he can always drive north for snow.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Justme says:
Oh, forgot to add…MY husband stated the other day that he has had it and is movingus to the wilds of Alaska to escape the daily grind of living within society, so that tells you that *I* have no chance of ever living anywhere warm, either…
Fat chance of me prying my ass away from my roots and my family and lifetime friends anyway…**SIGH**
February 5th, 2009 at 9:42 am
O'Neal says:
I was just marveling at a dear friends photos of her yesterday snow totals of 18 inches all the while thinking about how I can’t wait for our high of 65F coming this weekend! I’d NEVER make it in all that white stuff!
PS – I think Winn Dixie opens at 8am, or at least it did when I worked there. Try a 24 hr Wally World!
February 5th, 2009 at 10:47 am
mo says:
I am a firm believer in photosynthesizing. If I don’t get out and into the sun on a regular basis, I go batty. It’s good for the soul and the mind.
I hate to admit this, but in a pinch, laying in a tanning booth even for 5 minutes will do the trick. (Desperate times require desperate measures!)
Enjoy your vacation!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:06 am
ms. changes pants while driving says:
le sigh. i love cold weather. and it’s probably because i live in socal. i love it. although, i’ve only ever visited it. so it’s a novelty. i lived in the pacific northwest and loved it. loved the rain, EVERY DAY. i wonder if i would love the snow and REALLY COLD if i lived in it.
enjoy the sunshine =)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Sandi says:
I lived thirty fives in the cold winters of Utah. I couldn’t do it one more minute. In September 2006, I loaded 12 kids in the van and moved to Southern California.
I sent for the animals, sold the house and haven’t looked back! It was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
I am happy year round. I live in paradise. When October rolls around on the calendar, I pull out a scarf to tie around my neck while I am still in a tank top and flip flops. I have learned that’s what you do here so people know the seasons change.
I know from reading your blog, you aren’t the most spontaneous person, but you won’t regret going warmer…EVER!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:46 am
qt says:
So in your camp on this one. I have to get the heck out of WI at least once during the winter or I would be like Jack Nicholson in The Shining for SURE!
February 5th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Alison Veres says:
Okay, now I’ve got that damn John Denver song in my head. The last time this song got in my head, I think it took me 15 years to get it out again. Oh well. It’s a nice song. Glad you’re high on sunshine. It’s a good feeling. Here in CT, it’s 16 degrees, but the sky is blue, the snow squeaks underneath your feet and I saw buds! buds I tell you! on my oak tree this morning. One thing about the winter? It really makes you appreciate the spring.
And braless is one of my favorite words, as well as one of my favorite states of being. So free! So triumphant! So braless! It’s good to hear you enjoying yourself. I recommend enjoying yourself to everyone. It really is a most excellent thing to do.
February 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Mojo says:
I.Am.So.Happy.
This is the best I’ve “heard” you sound in … a while. I could burst into song right here in the middle of my office if I didn’t think it would result in disciplinary action. Or possibly even arrest.
And I will refrain from virtually leering at your improvised tanning bed. Okay, I guess I kind just did virtual-eer, but that was the last time. Promise!
I feel warmer myself just listening to you…
February 5th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Woman in a window says:
Ohhh, Ohhhh, I remember that (however vaguely) the fall of a sweater from the shoulder and yet the warmth remains, grows even. Ohhhh, ohhhh, it’s three freaken ice skating months away!
February 5th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
beth says:
hey maggie…
I was supposed to spend the entire month of january in florida and only got a week, as my 17 year old son decided to make my life a living hell and needed a parent back home….BOYS !!
anyhow….my week there was perfect and just what I needed to get that icky wisconsin cold out of my viens…and now of course, I’m ready to go back !!….and this time forever !!
acutally….you can’t beat wisconsin for the other seasons….but winter has officially kicked my ass and I surrender !!!
and bra less is part of the look down there, isn’t it ?
February 5th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
BedsideTalesMan says:
Who needs a bra for Winn Dixie? Enjoy…freely!
February 5th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Gypsy says:
Take note: If you are ever to be considered not a Snow Bird (not a term of endearment around here) but a part-time Floridian, know that hushpuppies are not “funny little creations.” They are an essential part of every diet, much like cheese grits and sweet tea.
February 5th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
janet says:
Tweet freakin’ tweet.
I am so there.
February 5th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
magpie says:
I’m squinting at my computer as I write. It’s that brief afternoon moment when the sun comes pouring in my office window, blinding me but warming me. I love it, even though I can’t see.
I thoroughly understand needing the sun.
February 5th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
HeatherPride says:
I’m with you. Winter is one season I could definitely do without. Ugh.
February 5th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Jewels says:
Oh I wish you could see Colorado today! 70 degrees! Of course we have very bioplar weather here—one day 70 and sunny the next a huge blizzard. However today was a nice, sunshiny day—and it’s amazing what a little sun can to do make your heart smile….even for just a little while:)
February 5th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Pearl says:
License plate frame here in AZ. “So many snowbirds, so little freezer space.”
February 5th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Kel says:
Sun is good, now a fruity drink with an umbrella (ella, ella, ella) and a nice cabana boy…that would be the life!
Enjoy your sun!!
~K
February 5th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
pgoodness says:
Yes, the sun has that effect on me, too. Glad you’re having a nice time away!
February 5th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
blissfully caffeinated says:
I don’t care how old you get, there is no excuse for wearing a sweatshirt with an applique hot glued on it. Especially if it’s outlined in glitter.
February 5th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
flutter says:
you can come stay with me!
February 5th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Mr Lady says:
You didn’t take me with you?
You have sunshine?
I can’t handle any of this information. All I know is that if I don’t find a way to get home soon, someone will suffer greatly. Me and the Pac NW? NOT best friends.
February 5th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Kelley says:
tomorrow is going to be 111F.
For the 7th time this year.
I will swap with you babe, gladly
Or should I make up the spare bed?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Tasses says:
Did you do this to me?
Did you bring this cold from the great white north?
Last night, for the first time in ages, I had to launch the furnace, eradicating the one positive reason for living in this godforsaken place.
February 6th, 2009 at 6:14 am
Emerald says:
I’m glad you’re feeling better! The snow and ice kicks my mental ass every single year, I’m ridiculously looking forward to moving to NC. I very much hear you on the snowbird deal. Even after moving back to Canadia I would love to go back down south every year to avoid the whole mess. Except the southern-raised boyfriend seems to be very excited about skating, and sledding, and all that other ridiculous crap the television says we should enjoy about winter. Bah! A few falls on unsalted ice and he might just change his mind
Oh, and if you want to age faster, try doing some power walking around a mall!
February 6th, 2009 at 8:00 am
Trenches of Mommyhood says:
I swear, every single time I’ve ventured down to Florida in February, the weather has sucked ass.
February 6th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Zoeyjane says:
Exactly the largest reason I want to move out of Vancouver, to Southern California.
February 6th, 2009 at 9:51 am
gudnuff says:
Maggie, am I allowed to use the phrase “it’s my blog dammit” on a post if I give you credit?
February 6th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
we_be_toys says:
Aw man! You gotta go home already? It’s supposed to heat right on up this weekend. Any chance your flight might get grounded at Raleigh Durham Airport? It’s supposed to be near 70 on Saturday, and I’ve got party beverages and appetizers planned for the patio. Okay, so the beach is 3 hours away, but the sun will be set to low broil!
Vacations are always over too soon, dammit!
February 6th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
we_be_toys says:
Oh yeah _hushpuppies are the original manna, I shit you not. Somewhere out in that Egyptian desert there was a mobile BBQ joint that was churning out those bad boys for Moses and Friends. M R Good!
You want I should send you some hushpuppy mix? The kind with the onions in it, right?
February 6th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Karen MEG says:
For the record, I’m still waiting to NEED a bra.
And Matlock, snark! Glad you enjoyed the warm … sigh…
February 6th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
tysdaddy says:
:I like drinking fruity alcoholic beverages with intentional ice cubes at 2:00pm.”
I am all for a little Sex on the Beach, with ice, any time of day.
Enjoy the sun, my friend . . .
February 6th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Elaine at Lipstickdaily says:
Oh yeah . . . sunshine is essential . . . and 40 is heavenly next to anything below freezing. Don’t forget the Publix . . .
February 7th, 2009 at 7:54 am
For Myself says:
We’re going to Jamaica in March. Let me just tell you that I’m fairly certain I would die without that little trip. I’m fat right now, my skin alternates between gray and translucent, and I hate just about everybody.
I’m thinking about going tanning. Have you ever tried that? But then again, cancer mught be even MORE depressing than winter. It’s a toss up.
February 7th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Fran says:
Florida is good for the soul no matter where you hail from. Maybe it’s the ocean. No matter where you are in Fla, you’re near a tide of eternity, power and grace. I’m glad the vacation worked out for you.
February 7th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Bennie says:
Hubby is SO wrong. Winter sucks. C’mon down. We have plenty of room for you and the girls. Jessie and Ben would love it! 70 degrees here all week. So fucking awesome!!!
February 8th, 2009 at 7:49 am
bejewell says:
Come stay with me in Austin. It’ll make me feel better about wearing shorts and tank tops in the middle of February, or sweating while I’m wrapping Christmas presents.
February 8th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
MIT Mommy says:
I was born in Colorado, but raised south of the Mason-Dixon. I need sun. Of course, I often compromise with a reflection off the snow, which is better than NO reflection off the snow . . . .
February 8th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Black Hockey Jesus says:
No kidding. Believe me I thought seasonal affective whatever sounded like such a load of bull, and still do kinda, but sometimes the Vegas blue sky catches me off guard and makes me so happy. There is literally joy in the sky. But in Michigan it was so grey.
February 9th, 2009 at 7:07 am
jill says:
You need to come visit me in California, only not today, it’s raining (good thing we need it) but last weekend was in the 80′s and my husband and I stayed in the cutest little motel on a cliff over looking the ocean, and it did me more good than anything has in a long time!
February 9th, 2009 at 11:46 am
amysprite says:
I’d tell my husband he better invest in those special lightbulbs that put out real light if he wants his snowbird to stay home to roost.
February 9th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
AMR says:
Maggie,
Glad the sun did you some good. After growing up in WI (not loving winter but definitely experiencing it each year), sweating in TX, freezing in ND, in HEAVEN in CA, and now in IL, it hasn’t taken me long to know that I, too, need the sun. But not just the sun….warm sun! It is essential to my health and well-being. We hit 66 on Saturday and I was out all day with my girls. My neighbors all commented to me, “Look how happy you are, you can’t stop smiling.” My point exactly.
February 9th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Modite by Rebecca Thorman - Real-life disclosures on the myth of work/life balance says:
[...] uncertainty and risk. There’s nothing balanced about that. It’s exciting and exhilarating, and to take full advantage, you need [...]
February 9th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Captain Steve says:
Ahh, yes, the yearly old person migration. Once it hit 50 here I was ready to run around the yard naked.
February 10th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Holly says:
I’m giggling, as I’m sure Paul said the SAME DARN STUFF about loving Michigan. He seemed impervious to the fact that it would snow after Mother’s Day. And that the sun only appeared for 3 hours for 2 months of the year.
Fortunately, he found a way to love New Orleans.
Even more than hockey.
And THAT is saying something.
February 10th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
TC says:
Oh man, I am right there with ya. I always swore I wouldn’t be a snowbird, but the more time I spend in this great state of Wisconsin, the more I understand the motivation that drives people from this state at breakneck – ok, 35-45mph tops, but to most of them that IS fast! – speeds at the first onset of the cold months.
Actually, I’d rather just move South now and get it over with.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Missives From Suburbia says:
I love snow. I really do. But by February here in MN, I am done, done, done. The worst part is knowing I still have at least two more months of this stuff to put up with. We always vacation in February. This year is no exception. I will be working on my burn in Miami in a couple short weeks. Ahhhh…
February 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
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[...] uncertainty and risk. There’s nothing balanced about that. It’s exciting and exhilarating, and to take full advantage, you need [...]
February 12th, 2009 at 7:22 am
jerseygirl89 says:
I think winter should exist for the month of December and that’s it. So I totally want to be a snowbird too.
But braless I can’t do. It would not be pretty.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Mrs C says:
I could use some sun too. Today it has been ‘snraining’. Not rain. Not snow. All Paris Winter Weather Special.
Feck.
February 13th, 2009 at 8:04 am