Happy Holidays. Or not.
Every year I sit down and bang out a holiday card letter. This kind of writing has always come easily to me, the unfettered, unedited free-form riffs I use to keep family and friends updated. I’ve been writing these missives for years and years, and I’ve always looked forward to it. But here we are, three days before Christmas and a day into Hanukkah, and up until an hour ago I hadn’t written a word. I couldn’t.
I have always tried to be honest in my holiday letters. The tradition was born in part from a desire to combat the stereotypical update letter, the happy-go-lucky aren’t-we-fantastic-world-travelers-and-could-our-children-possibly-excel-more-can-you-believe-they’re-not-President-or-American-Idols-yet? letters that make me feel two feet tall. It started when I was a kid, in response to one particular family’s over-the-top letter. I used to write satirical updates on my and my siblings’ failing grades, arrest records, or forays into drugs, just to make my parents smile. As an adult, I kept the tradition and the sentiment but added in truth. I felt like my loved ones would appreciate knowing how un-perfect my life was, that they’d perhaps feel better about how un-perfect theirs were, how un-perfect all of ours are. Because oh, how they are.
The last week or two my laptop has served more often as drink coaster than holiday-card writer, or blog entry portal, or social media connector, or anything responsibility-meeting in general. I can’t seem to do it. I can’t seem to sit down here and tell you about the awesome Christmas party in Chicago, or game nights with my kids, or my visiting house guests, or the extreme snowfalls and frigid below-zero days…. and for the life of me, I can’t seem to sit down and type out an honest summary of the last year because I don’t want to Grinch-out 127 people’s holidays with my card. Because I’m just not feeling it.
I am blessed. I know I am blessed. I have experienced more joy than I could ever document this year, I have. But.
I’m worried about Dave’s job loss, even though he’s not. I’m worried sick about our cousin’s paralysis. I’m not interested in cataloging marriages and divorces, middle-of-the-night agonies and loved ones buried, and wrapping it all into a cute little holiday card bow.
My visiting brother and sister-in-law took Emma to lunch this afternoon and told me to sit down and write the cheery letter already, dammit! So I did. I finished it five minutes ago. I hope it doesn’t let anyone down.
I closed out the letter with the most truthful line I could muster, and I’ll use it to close out this post, too.
I pray all is equal parts sweet and survivable with you and yours.
Happy Holidays.
Sue says:
Might I suggest some of Dave’s eggnog?
I can’t wrap packages unless I’m in the Christmas spirit (whatever that means). And I can’t get into the Christmas spirit unless I am listening to Christmas Carols – and drinking Baileys. What difference does it make if I only wrap one gift at a time – several times a day? Huh? Just try to make me feel guilty about drinking Baileys at 10AM. I’m guilt free I tell you.
*burb*
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Rhea says:
I do a letter each year. And a Christmas card. And I haven’t even started on either. I don’t know how to share what’s going on with us, frankly.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Heather says:
There are plenty of ups and downs this year – just be glad you’re here to experience them all.
Happy Holidays to you, too, Maggie.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Gypsy says:
Good for you for getting it out. I think I’d have just skipped it, picked out funny cards, and gone all generic and un-revealed.
Says the woman who vetoed holiday cards full stop this year. Sigh.
And I love the last line — we can seldom hope for more.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Fannie says:
Sometimes survive is all we can do.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:25 pm
V-Grrrl says:
I wanted to write a holiday letter that began with “No, 2008 wasn’t the worst year of our lives. Instead it will go down as The Year of The Clusterf*ck”
This is the truth.
But I didn’t write it.
I blog, I Facebook, I Twitter, I e-mail, but I no longer send out holiday letters.
I have nothing left to say about my life.
And what I’d like to say isn’t “appropriate” for a holiday card.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Dad says:
Hey,
Where’s our Christmas card ?
Love, Dad
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Kay says:
While I SO understand your feelings, I must say that I am pleased. Just mentioned last night that I was afraid you wouldn’t do one this year. Somethings must continue!
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Last Place Finisher says:
My father used to say, “As long as you’re still kicking.” I guess he was right. As long as we’re still kicking, sharing times with our loved ones, working together to share a good life – there’s less reason to be concerned about the other stuff.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
magpie says:
It’s all I can do to write the recipient people’s names inside the card and maybe add “love,” before our printed names. You’re doing well.
Sweetness and survivability is good.
December 22nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Ms. Changes Pants While Driving says:
i tried doing a letter one year, but i don’t have kids, and it felt weird. i usually send out cards, but i didn’t do that this year, either.
your kids are cute =)
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Kori says:
I wish I could get one of your holiday letters; I HATE the other kinds, as our family always ends up looking slightly tarnished and dirty, like the odd relatives that come to stay and you just can’t quite get them to fit in. I agree with your last line-it really is all about the balance between blessings and trials.
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Jen W says:
I love that last line. It’s so true. So true.
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Cheryl says:
Ya know what? You were honest w/ us here. And I have to agree that sweetness & survival is not a bad thing to wish for the people we love at all.
(((HUGS))) and happy holidays mama Maggie!
C ~
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Xbox4NappyRash says:
Sometimes, survivable is just enough.
You sound tired Maggie, I wish you a peaceful holiday.
December 22nd, 2008 at 3:40 pm
fancy feet says:
“I used to write satirical updates on my and my siblings’ failing grades, arrest records, or forays into drugs..”
I loved that. You’re right – it beats the generic Christmas letter.
I wish you and your family the very, very best. Like Xbox4NappyRash said, I wish you a peaceful holiday.
Sweet photo of your girls by the way….are you kidding me with those freckles?? I love freckles.
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Briana says:
I usually do the same kind of x-mas letter, and I haven’t written one this year either. I did, however, manage to write a spin on Twas the Night Before Christmas (called Twas the Night Before the Election) that I am going to send out (as soon as I get copies made).
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:08 pm
But Why Mommy says:
I don’t do those letters anymore. Its too hard. I just send out the photo card with pictures of the kid which is all anyone cares about.
I want to be in the holiday spirit but right now we’ve kind of blown off Hanukkah and Christmas appears to be heading into mommy and daughter sinus infection territory so its hard.
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
derfina says:
*smooches*
December 22nd, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Duck says:
I’m totally with you. But substitute Christmas letter with Blog. Emails. Meeting minutes.
I’ll take your and Gypsy’s examples and just DO them.
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
anymommy says:
A prayer we can all use. Love and joy to you and yours!
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
For Myself says:
You are real. That’s why I like you.
December 22nd, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Pamela says:
You have had a lot going on…just the tiny part of you that you share here on the blog is more than most people could function with. So I am sure there is EVEN MORE outside of blogaritavilleistan that factors in. If you’re not feeling it, you’re just not. And that’s just what it is. And that is completely fine, and people get that. If they don’t? Then maybe they need a little Grinchmas, right this very minute.
No roast beast for them!
December 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Hilary says:
I bet your holiday letter is fantastic. I have boxes of cards under my tree right now still taped shut. See how on top of things you are?
December 22nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Petra says:
With those beautiful faces beaming at you every day, what is there to be worried about? You have two gorgeous girls there!
Thank you and I am sure your holiday letter is fantastic!
December 22nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Alison Veres says:
You apologize alot for not being “upbeat” or whatever. Don’t! If you’re not feelin’ it, that is your right, and your truth, and just what it is. You are allowed to change. You can be this way one day, and something different the next. You don’t owe it to anybody to be what they expect of you. You don’t even have to be what you expect of yourself. Just be you.
That was fun!
Oh my God – does this sound so militantly advisory? Usually, when I venture into giving people advice, it’s me who needs it. And usually, the advice I’m giving somebody else is the exact advice I need to give myself.
So I guess what I’m saying is — thanks for letting me use your comments column for figuring myself out.
Your kids are beautiful. And so are you. Treat yourself to something nice.
December 22nd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Coast Rat says:
I sent out two Christmas cards this year, TODAY! I admit, too, that the spirit just hasn’t fully found me yet, except maybe some measure in writing the Cotton Field Christmas post. Maybe it’s being away from home and my wife for the first time in 42 years, I don’t know…. Something is just not there, though.
Thoughts, prayers and hugs to you, my friend! Always!
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Natalie says:
I’m just impressed you manage anything at all. It seems I can talk a lot, but when it comes to putting words on cards, I get stage fright. I’m not even kidding. I sign birthday cards with, “Happy Birthday”.
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Mojo says:
Honestly? I think the last time I actually looked forward to Christmas was probably 1979. Since then it’s been more something I “got through” than anything else. And the last time I sent anything resembling a Christmas card was … maybe 1997? Unless you count email/e-Cards. then it was probably 2002. I think. But maybe not. The whole scene has become so plastisaccharine it makes my teeth hurt. Probably from grinding them to keep from going Exorcist on some well-meaning soul that really doesn’t deserve it.
So just between us Grinches, if they can’t get over it screw ‘em. Cheery or otherwise, you know I’m gonna love ya.
December 22nd, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Heather says:
I gave up this year.
December 22nd, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Jennifer H says:
Oy. And what’s Yiddish for the F word? Add that.
Equal parts sweet and survivable…that’s all we can ask for sometimes.
xoxo
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:01 pm
just beth says:
You are allowed to say ‘no’, Maggie. Even to Christmas cards.
xo
b.
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Zoeyjane says:
And I wish you chocolate, vodka and other people cleaning up.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 am
Sue says:
Here’s a thought. If you indulge in too much chocolate and vodka – other people will HAVE to clean up.
December 23rd, 2008 at 6:15 am
Angel says:
Oh that is perfect, Maggie! I always hated those form letters stuck in Christmas cards that told us how wonderful everyone was. It always bothered me that most of the people who sent them were people who couldn’t bother to keep in touch with us throughout the rest of the year but assumed we’d want to know every wonderful little detail at Christmas time.
Your letter is the perfect answer to that! Tell them we’re all wonderful, after the multitude of crazy shit that hit us during the past year! Excellent.
If I don’t stop by again this week, Merry Christmas. Your family is courageous and beautiful and will make it over every single hurdler. Your cousin is still in my prayers and will be every day.
December 23rd, 2008 at 6:57 am
Karen MEG says:
I’ve thought about the Christmas letter thing for years, but could never wrap my words in a cheery way… and then when the quintessential perfect family that we ALWAYS got picture perfect holiday letters from broke up, and are now going through a nasty, nasty divorce, it just killed that whole thing for me.
This year I just sent out our photo cards complete with greetings already printed. Just no energy.
“I pray all is equal parts sweet and survivable with you and yours.” This almost made me cry Maggie. It’ll be a tough Christmas around here too.
I wish you and your family ,with your beautiful girls, a lovely, lovely holiday.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:01 am
Justme says:
And survive we all will, Maggie.
I wish peace to you and yours.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:32 am
Father Muskrat says:
Sometimes when I’m in a pickle, I like to picture myself on an island with a bunch of lepers, watching my limbs slowly crumble up and fall off the rest of my body and onto the ground, joining the piles of everyone else’s limbs that have also crumbled and fallen to the ground. Then, I feel like all is fairly well in my life. Just a suggestion.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:55 am
conversemomma says:
Happy Holidays, darling. I will think positive thoughts that all will be well, beyond well, for you and dave, and your beautiful cousin.
Love!
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:29 am
Kate Coveny Hood says:
You are good to keep up the tradition when you’re not feeling it. I haven’t sent out holiday cards for a few years and have had surprisingly little guilt over it.
I love your closing line. It’s often the best we can do – but quite good enough if you ask me.
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Crystal D says:
Oh Maggie those girls are delicious. Hope you have a peaceful holiday and a few of your prayers are answered. xoxo
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins says:
Howdy from another Wisconsin blogger fed up with snow! (I’m near Mke.)
I really just found your blog so I won’t offer fakey words of “hey, keep your head up,” but will instead say I hope you survive the holiday.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 am
Melissa says:
What lovely girls. It’s startling how much the younger looks like you.
I bet that was a hard newsletter to write. I know I wouldn’t feel like doing it.
I’m keeping up with Ashley’s progress and holding her beautiful smile in my heart.
Don’t worry so much about Dave’s lack of job. My husband lost his this year too, due to cuts, but three months later he bounced back. The universe will take care of you in the meantime.
Much love to you Maggie.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Black Hockey Jesus says:
I just posted and quoted John Cage and it’s fresh in my mind, so I’ll repeat it here.
It is is cause for joy, Maggie Dammit.
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Bennie says:
Maggie, I’m so thinking of you and your family this week. I know what you are feeling all too well.It is a time in your life where you’ve had the wind knocked out of you and you’re just trying to get your breath back. It will come. Just breath.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
A Free Man says:
Hope y’all have a great Christmas! And wishing you well for the New Year and the whole job thing. It ain’t easy.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Aunt Jenn says:
My holiday message is either:
Hey, my kid won’t be a bastard after all!
or
I’m too busy making a human and feeling like crap to do stupid cards this year.
Let me know which you prefer.
xoxo
ps: I love your letters, but I like talking to you more.
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
thatgirlblogs says:
You underestimate yourself. The close alone was worth it. PS I am praying for your cousin.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:08 pm
thatgirlblogs says:
whoops, here’s the right addy.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Jim says:
It happens to everyone. Don’t feel the pressure to do something that you can’t right now.
Have a Christmas full of hope.
December 23rd, 2008 at 7:56 pm
kel says:
perfectly put – I just hope 2009 brings you and your family the hope and compassion that you share with each of us each day!
Happy Holidays!
~K
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:33 pm
baroness von bloggenschtern says:
And I pray that your family find rest and peace, joy and fulfillment, love and laughter.
May 2009 bring health and restoration to you and yours, dear woman.
Hugs.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Oh2122 says:
It seems to be the year for “not feeling it.”
Happy Holidays and here’s to a sweetly sustainable New Year.
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Kelley says:
I didn’t do my letter this year.
Cause two of the most precious people in my life would not receive one this year.
And that broke my heart.
Hugs to you my lovely.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:02 am
tysdaddy says:
I’ll take survivable. And embrace the hope for more cheer than last year wrought.
Meeting you through your blog this year has been an honor and a blessing. You’ve become a dear friend, a resource and comrade, and inspiration. No, really. No BS. And I’m wishing you a year far more joyous than you handle . . .
Merry Christmas, my friend.
B
December 24th, 2008 at 8:04 am
bejewell says:
Well that’s too bad for you because my Christmas cards are DONE and my life is just FABULOUS and my husband and I live in blissful wedded blissy BLISS and my son has been accepted really, really early to HARVARD (not quite two yet) and all of my family members get along and hug everything out and laugh constantly and nobody gets drunk and falls into a plant every Christmas, certainly NOT my Uncle Eddie.
My life really IS perfect. As documented in this year’s Christmas card.
Also, I’m a little high right now.
Happy Ho Ho Ho.
December 24th, 2008 at 8:36 am
jen says:
peace and gentle moments to you. xo
December 24th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Debbie says:
Keepin it honest, my Maggie! You always bring a smile to my face and I thank you for this throughout the whole year! You and your family are blessed and we love you.
Merry Christmas, sweetie and I wish you peace and love…
December 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
betsey says:
Merry Christmas, Hon!
December 25th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
noble pig says:
i write my letter the same way…it ain’t always happy….personally I love unhappy with funny thrown in!
Merry Christmas maggie!
December 25th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Talina says:
I personally think the honest, not so perky letters are great. I have yet to begin the letter writing tradition because our child is not here yet (soon though)…
In my letter I will share all the poo smears and vomit memories, you know the real fun with kids!
December 26th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Woman in a window says:
At least equal, right? And then if we’re lucky a little more sweet.
Hang in there Maggie. And I know, if you’re anything like me you’ll respond, I’m not the one that needs to hang in there. But in fact, in part, you do need to with just a few sweets in your pocket.
Better times ahead, I hope.
erin
December 26th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
The Stiletto Mom says:
Ah, Maggie….truer words were never spoken. We are all in the same boat and many of us with the same emotions. Here’s hoping the best for you and your family in 2009….and to all of us. Your words, so thoughtful, continue to make me think a lot more deeply about pretty much everything…thank you for the inspiration and insight…I am so very glad I found you this year!!!
Cheers to surviving and thriving in 2009!
December 26th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
vodkamom says:
HOpe your holiday rocked. That shot was adorable.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Meg says:
We have the same problem here… except that we now have our family trained to not expect our letter in December, but usually sometime in the first quarter. Problem is, my husband usually writes it and isn’t feeling the motivation either. Plus, our last couple of efforts were so well-received that now the bar is set way high and I’m afraid of disappointing.
I’ll use this post as inspiration to hopefully put our thoughts on paper soon.
December 28th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Caffienated Cowgirl says:
I’m so not a holiday letter person…
A belated Merry Christmas to you and yours…and wishes for a brighter New Year!
December 30th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Postmarc says:
Late Merry Christmas to you. Save those little holiday creations your daughters are holding–in a few years, they will be even more special. I still have a glued and glittered snowman that my daughter made out of one of those wooden spatula spoons they passed out in school with the ice cream samples. Bits of ribbon, a couple of offset eyes, random bits of ribbon….and precious beyond description.
All things considered, I hope your holiday break was what you wanted it to be.
January 1st, 2009 at 5:58 am
blissfully caffeinated says:
That’s a great last line. Came by to wish you all the best for a healthy and happy New year.
xo
January 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm
bluestreak says:
Grinching out 127 relatives. that had me laughing, maybe it wasn’t your intention. The holidays aren’t always cheery. Sometimes they just are. This was one of those years for me too.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:33 pm