HEADRUSH
I didn’t know my friend Brandi yet when she found out her husband had cancer. I’m thankful for that, for purely selfish reasons; Considering the power she holds today to turn me into a weepy mess in an instant, I don’t know that I would have survived it if I’d known her then, back in 2001. Back when they’d only been married a year, and she was six months pregnant with their first child. Back when they found a malignant tumor the size of a small grapefruit squatting in her 28-year-old husband’s brain.
(Chris’s actual scan.)
Let me skip to the end right away because this is not a sad story, and Brandi would not want it to be: Her husband Chris is still very much alive. They have two daughters now. This is not a story about dying, it’s a story about living.
This is the thing about Chris and Brandi: They move mountains on a regular basis. They never know what tomorrow will bring, literally, and yet I have never, ever heard them complain. Not once. They radiate goodness. When I am in their presence I am better for it. They make me want to be my best.
(Photo by C & N Photography.)
Chris and Brandi were living in San Francisco when he was first diagnosed; that’s where he had his craniotomy, the tumor extracted like chewing gum from hair, some pieces still there today, stubbornly clinging to important things like the Optic Nerve. San Francisco is where he had his eighteen months of chemotherapy. I didn’t meet them until they moved here, home to Wisconsin, from where they both originally come.
I knew them for an entire year before I learned about the cancer. An entire year. They just don’t talk about it. They refuse to be ruled by that beast. They spend every day living like it could be their last, but they don’t waste time talking about why. I have never known anyone quite like them in all my life.
The only reason Brandi finally told me about the brain tumor that day was because she was bored with just fighting cancer. She and Chris wanted to eradicate brain tumors completely. They wanted to raise some money.
That was four years ago. Brandi hates when I use the term “single-handedly” when I say what I’m about to say, but I’m just gonna say it, because it’s my blog, dammit: The two of them have single-handedly raised just under $700,000 for brain tumor research at the University of Wisconsin Comprehensive Cancer Center in the past four years. They have created the first ever Brain Tumor Professorship in the state of Wisconsin. They have brought two gorgeous baby girls into the world and they did another seven weeks of radiation when that godforsaken tumor started growing again, a couple years back. And even now, even this week, some bad news, a little more growth. And even now, they don’t call it bad news. They call it “not-so-great” news. This is the kind of people they are. It’s no big deal. It’s just a tumor, right? It’s no match for spirit like this.
(Photo by C & N Photography.)
Their key fundraising event is an outdoor celebration held each year at a state park – and that’s exactly what it is, a celebration. They hang out with their loved ones all day long and they eat, they listen to live music, they paint murals on the cheeks of children and make magic with balloons. They hike and bike and do yoga outside and there are acupuncturists, massage artists, other healers. My favorite part are the stickers for to write the names of the people you know, the people we all know, who are affected by brain tumors. To speak their names aloud, to slap them all over our shirts and wear them proudly. I name my grandfather, who died from his brain tumor in 1991. I name my cousin, who survived his a few years back. And I always, always place Chris’s name just above my heart. Right where it belongs.
Every donation goes straight to the research fund. This is a non-profit with next-to-zero overhead. Brandi’s office is her kitchen table. All the food, the t-shirts, the supplies, they’re all donated. All the people who help, like me, do it freely. Under threat of life and limb, I would not take a penny from those people. There’s no way you could ever make me, and I know that’s how all of the volunteers feel, every last one of them — and there are dozens. Like them, I will tell Chris and Brandi’s story to as many people who will listen, for as long as I draw breath to speak. I’m honored to tell it here, though I know she’d shy away from the fuss. But believe me people, there has never been a woman more worthy of fuss.
The first time I met Chris, we were sitting in his kitchen, a group of us. Brandi left the room and he simply stared after her. Finally, he said, “How amazing is that woman?”
How amazing, indeed.
The fifth annual HEADRUSH celebration will take place this Saturday, September 27th, rain or shine, just like life. For more information, or to donate, please go here.
Sammanthia (The Edge Of Insanity) says:
I am in awe… what beautiful people they must be. And how proud you must be to consider them friends.
Sammanthia (The Edge Of Insanity)´s last blog post..Generation Egg: Part Deux
September 24th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Lesley says:
I knew a woman with a brain tumor when I was back in my early 20′s. She was giving six months to a year to live. Her son left my class (I was in college, working part time as a teacher’s aid) and, sadly, I lost track of the family.
Imagine my surprise when about seven years later while at a Dodgers game, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see her standing there.
I so believe in the power to live when all the odds and all the doctors tell you otherwise. I love this story and how your friends have taken what could be such a devastating struggle and done something so unselfish and so GOOD with it. They’re a really beautiful family. With a really beautiful friend!
September 24th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Anissa@Hope4Peyton says:
Although my daughter’s cancer is Leukemia, I can’t even tell you the number of children I’ve known with brain tumors…some treatable, other with no chance. One of my dearest friends has a daughter who is 7 battling an optic tumor and there is no end to the prayer that the treatment will work. Chris and Brandi are nothing short of heroes. They personify the spirit and determination that will someday see the cures we need to fight. Thank you for sharing their story, i’m going to share it with friends I know would be lifted up by their story and what they’re doing to battle this disease.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton´s last blog post..Do I hear him now?
September 24th, 2008 at 9:46 am
nutmeg says:
Once again, you are a storyteller, and what an inspirational sustaining one this is. I feel like a muppet of a woman compared to her! I pray every penny of that good karma cleaves to the two of them in the future.
nutmeg´s last blog post..this post is not about politics or blogging!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Sherry Tucker says:
As a mom who watched my eight year old son battle a tumor that looked very similar I am amazed and humbled. To not only battle the beast lurking in their lives but to destroy its power to paralyze their life is beyond understanding. I send my gratitude to their contribution of finding a much needed cure. I also send my prayers for continuing strength and fortitude in their battle.
Sherry Tucker´s last blog post..Way behind!!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Jim says:
Amen to their strength and their outlook on life. Celebrating life is the power we have over cancer.
Health and happiness to them (and the rest of you) always.
Jim´s last blog post..Office Tour
September 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Mrs Parks says:
Amazing people can do amazing things!
Mrs Parks´s last blog post..Pooter and Pearl
September 24th, 2008 at 10:31 am
BOSSY says:
Great great great great story. With an extra helping of Great.
BOSSY´s last blog post..The No Shit Sherlock Chronicles.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Bennie says:
Thanks for sharing this, Maggie. I enjoy meeting true heroes – those that we pass every day in the store, on the sidewalk, in the next office – never knowing how tremendously they’re impacting our world for the better.
Bennie´s last blog post..
September 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Betsey Booms says:
Beautiful, Maggie. Thank you so much for sharing this and putting it out there.
Betsey Booms´s last blog post..Judgment Day
September 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Melissa says:
What an amazing family!! Great post.
Melissa´s last blog post..Hot for the Holidays!!
September 24th, 2008 at 10:41 am
JES says:
Aw man, this is such a great story. There are so many opportunities now to get bogged down in sorrowful distraction, fears about the handbasket the world is going, well, SOMEWHERE in, and so on — so many such opportunities, that it’s wonderful to be reminded of the pure light that “just people” can shine through the murk.
Thanks so much for telling us about Chris, Brandi, and HEADRUSH!
JES´s last blog post..A Bout of Gout
September 24th, 2008 at 10:55 am
O'Neal says:
I read the story and felt first happiness for reading a survival story and what strong & courageous people your friends are and then came the guilt. The guilt of just 2 years ago when my hubby was diagnosed with 2 really rare types of cancer and was given 2 weeks to live with a 7 yr old and a brand spank’n new 3 month old baby girl. We fought that sonofabitch long and hard and won the battle and then were just merely satisfied with winning. I often find myself angry with hubby’s attitude of ungratefulness, or in his words, “I wish I could say the sky is bluer and the grass is greener but it’s just another day…”
It is truly a gift to be given your life back from such a horrible demon and I wish that we could be so grateful and be more like them, wanting to be better people and make good of what we were given!
Is there anyway *I* could be involved to help them with their cause? Could I raise donations and send to their fund? Even if hubby is not grateful, I am more than thankful and wish there was a way I could outwardly express it and bring good from bad!
O’Neal´s last blog post..Filthy Friday
September 24th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Jo says:
I have a friend too, whose husband was found to have a brain tumour when their son was under 6 months – they’d hardly been married any time.
They’re very religious, I think they’ve had some good support, but Sharon has carried most of the task of getting on with things on her back. Robert’s had his operation and radiotherapy and I hope things are going ot continue as positively as they are now – they’ve got a good all clear for now. They’ve been so strong in the face of a fear I can hardly imagine.
And then there’s my homoeopath who recovered from leukemia and then a brain tumour – without allopathic medicine. She went all the way to the edge though.
I salute these people. I really do.
Jo´s last blog post..life food cake
September 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Gwen says:
I can’t believe that white enormity is the tumor! Holy shit!
It always fills me with hope to hear stories about Brandi and Chris. Thanks for sharing it.
September 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am
merlotmom says:
Wow. Amazing story. Amazing people. Thank you for sharing them. They truly are the definition of HOPE.
merlotmom´s last blog post..Give Me The Grateful Life – Monday
September 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Captain Dumbass says:
Those are two amazing people. Ever see those ‘fuck cancer’ hats? I think Brandi and Chris did a good job of helping.
Captain Dumbass´s last blog post..What’s Your Thing?
September 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Gypsy says:
Oh! Tears! What an inspiration they are. Thanks for sharing with us.
Also? Maggie? You have the world’s greatest cheekbones.
Gypsy´s last blog post..I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller*
September 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Kate says:
When I heard that my mother’s cancer had returned in her brain this summer – I thought we were looking at the end of what had initially seemed to be a triumphant recovery. I assumed that there was nothing to be done for brain cancer but surgery and radiation. And since my mother’s tumors were inoperable and radiation is only a temporary treatment, things looked pretty bleak.
But due to huge leaps of progress in cancer research, there are newly approved chemotherapies (just this year!) that have amazing success rates in treatment of brain tumors.
Several months later – radiation has either eliminated or significantly shrunk my mother’s tumors and she’s taking an oral chemotherapy with limited side effects to continue to fight the existing cancer cells. She gets more strength back every day.
And we owe it all to research – to the money that made that research possible – and to people like Chris and Brandi. Thank god for them.
Kate´s last blog post..The First Mommy
September 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
PAPA says:
Dammit, Maggie, this is just really good writing. And how inspiring!
My mother who died of cancer shared a similar mindset: Celebrate today. She never complained, she always just wanted to make sure us kids were fine. And that we had our homework done! “Because one of these days, you’re going to have to ask your Dad and you know HE don’t know shit.” Dad: Hey….!
Maggie, thanks for putting such goodness out in the universe.
PAPA´s last blog post..Nikki has a Bad Day (Again)
September 24th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
quin browne says:
even though i don’t speak to my brother, i will put his name on my shirt this week… he, too, had a sticky brain tumour… they pulled most of it out, and some bits remain. he is deaf in one ear, and, with the humour i miss, he had his ear pierced, and tells people in meetings, “if it’s wearing an earring, the ear ain’t hearin’ ”
the issue with cancer is you get that message from your doctor, time stops for a minute… then, you do one of two things… prepare to die, or suck it up and move on with life.
i moved on… and it’s been a good thing. hurrah for your friends!
quin browne´s last blog post..Lakeview Terrace
September 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Melissa says:
I think living each day as if it were your last is by far the happiest way to live. Some live that way because of cancer, some for other reasons, but I know for myself it’s the only way to be.
Good for them for DOING something. I’m going to check out the page right now.
P.S. You look beauuutiful in that picture Maggie.
Melissa´s last blog post..I am never having children
September 24th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
jen says:
this made me cry, Maggie. this made me cry.
jen´s last blog post..signing up
September 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
jenboglass says:
Amazing story, even more amazing people. Thanks for sharing. Stories like this bring everything into perspective.
jenboglass´s last blog post..A Life Lesson For Henry
September 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Fannie says:
Shouldn’t we all live this way? Grateful for every day and for the love of friends and family? Thanks for sharing a marvelous example.
Fannie´s last blog post..I’m Just Sayin’
September 24th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
we_be_toys says:
Oh Maggie – how amazing they are indeed! Their story, the incredible resolve to not only fight their personal battle, but to take on the disease as a whole is truly inspiring. I’ve always tried to be a “Carpe Diem” kind of girl, but after reading this story, I feel kind of like a whiner. It’s given me much food for thought…
…and a damn case of the weepies!
we_be_toys´s last blog post..Meet My Hamster (aka, The Long Downward Spiral And It’s Wherefore)
September 24th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Pare says:
“But believe me people, there has never been a woman more worthy of fuss.”
DAMN STRAIGHT. Brandi rocks. Happy Headrush 2008!
Pare´s last blog post..Just so you know, it’s not you
September 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Emmy says:
Beautiful people, inside and out. Thanks for sharing their story.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Coast Rat says:
Great story, Maggs! Well done.
Coast Rat´s last blog post..TIME TO PLAY A BIT…
September 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Megan says:
Wow. It humbles me to know that there are people like that out there. Beautiful people who are truly living.
Megan´s last blog post..After the ceremony
September 24th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Elisa says:
It is truly humbling to see them that full of life, that strong, and that much in love after all this. They sound like really amazing people. You are truly blessed to have them in your life! Cancer is so scary. I lost two dear family members to it. It’s wonderful to see someone who can help us remember that the word “cancer” doesn’t have to turn us into a blubbery mess, but we can decide to react by being strong and acting against it instead. SO INSPIRING.
Elisa´s last blog post..I think I created a monster… or someone incredibly fabulous
September 24th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Mojo says:
First thing that came to mind was the comment you left on my post about Julia Rowe. Short, and to the point:
“Fuckin’ cancer”
Couldn’t have put it better myself. But if you will, indulge me a moment of promotion. The stories are all important, right?
Related:
Relentless: A Too Short Story
Relentless Redux
Still Relentless
Mojo´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: This Is Your Brain
September 24th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
anymommy says:
Incredible. Thanks for letting us know. Your stories are always compelling and theirs is naturally so.
anymommy´s last blog post..I Am a Magnet for Insanity
September 24th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Toasty says:
Thanks for sharing this. My sister-in-law died from a brain tumor almost nine years ago and I didn’t think it was possible to survive them. I’m happy to be wrong. This gives me hope.
Toasty´s last blog post..Speaking of Heavy Feet…
September 24th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
OHmommy says:
Wow. Just wow. I am in awe of your dear friends and their incredible journey. Hope for so many people.
OHmommy´s last blog post..Solving the world’s problems one toddler at a time
September 24th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
liv says:
the bravery just overwhelms… really.
liv´s last blog post..if we’re being honest…
September 24th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
karey m. says:
covered in chills from the very first line…inspirational seems too small a word, doesn’t it?
karey m.´s last blog post..more than a little obsessed…
September 24th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
flutter says:
This is wonderful, Maggiegirl.
flutter´s last blog post..Running at work does not make your butt smaller. A cautionary tale.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:23 am
vodkamom says:
That was incredibly inspiring. A great way to start the day!
vodkamom´s last blog post..The Chain Reaction
September 25th, 2008 at 4:04 am
The Cubicle's Backporch says:
Wow. What an amazing story. And what great people to still stay positive even through all the trials. Very inspiring!!
The Cubicle’s Backporch´s last blog post..Scene From a Relationship- Learner Style
September 25th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Auds at Barking Mad says:
What an amazingly beautiful tribute to a wonderful family. I’m in awe and feel as if I almost know them personally.
I really love reading stories like this, even if it does illustrate my own weakness when it comes to this. I think I’d probably fall into an immediate heap and never get up, if my breast cancer ever came back.
I hope you’ll keep us up-to-date on your gorgeous friends and their beautiful family.
September 25th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Trae says:
Beautiful story about a beautiful family. Thanks for the great reminder to make today count. Glad to help out a little for the HEADRUSH event. Wish we could do more.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Meg says:
I know two things from what we went through with my own son (his stroke two years ago and his ongoing recovery): One, something like this will make you realize the profound blessings with which you have been bestowed. It’s warped, but it’s true. And Two, eventually you get tired of talking about IT, and you will stop telling people about IT, because saying IT for the first time means you have to tell the whole flippin’ story AGAIN. Eventually, you want to subdue IT, put it back into its little box, and get back to NORMAL. Or more accurately, to learning your New Normal. So, that could be why you didn’t hear about IT for a while after you guys met.
Lovely story, I am touched by stories like this. They renew my faith in humankind. Cute name, too! I love a good headrush.
Meg´s last blog post..Do you need to see my social security card, too?
September 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am
My trademark brand of crazy | Hope4Peyton says:
[...] see the good things that people are [...]
September 25th, 2008 at 10:48 am
XUP says:
Wow! That IS freaking amazing and she’s amazing and he’s amazing and you’re amazing. My father died from a brain tumour 25 years ago. It’s so great to see people beating this shit.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
jill says:
great story, my husband went through cancer when our girls were small, it makes you look at life from a different perspective when you go through something like this together, It made us savor every minute we had together as a family. A perspective I am was so thankful for having, after what we went through loosing our daughter.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
The Stiletto Mom says:
Amazing and inspiring…the world really should be free of disease and full of people like them. What awesome inspiration.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Heather says:
If my sister wasn’t having a baby this weekend I’d be all over that! Next year.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
thatgirlblogs says:
hey, you… you’re awesome.
September 25th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Batspit says:
I wish I had known about this before- I might have been able to make it up there. My mom survived one brain tumor for 16 years then succumbed to another one. yep. Hate the old brain tumors, just hate them.
also, why are tumors always goose egged or grapefruit sized?
September 26th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Emerald says:
What an amazing, inspiring story. I need to read things like this on a more regular basis. Living so far away from Josh, I’m always , debilitatingly terrified that something horrible will happen – he’ll get hurt, sick, run over, who knows? – and I won’t be able to get there in time. Hearing other people kick difficult situations in the ass gives me hope for a little more sanity
September 26th, 2008 at 9:49 am
noble pig says:
What an amazing story. I am always inspired by people’s will to get throught things. They are true survivors.
noble pig´s last blog post..Take ‘Em Off Or Leave ‘Em On
September 26th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Renée aka Mekhismom says:
What an inspiring story. And it just goes to show – one person can make a difference. I think it might be time for another post.
Renée aka Mekhismom´s last blog post..A Moment
September 26th, 2008 at 11:32 am
bejewell says:
My best friend had a brain tumor 8 years ago which was removed with a very scary surgery. After they sewed her head back up we called her “Zipperhead” for weeks because seriously – that IS what it looked like. Sick? Maybe. But a sense of humor is ALWAYS the best medicine. She laughed all the way to recovery and remission.
Her insurance didn’t cover the whole surgery so they had to make payments to the hospital on a two-year plan. The day she made the last payment we had a party and celebrated the fact that she once again owned her brain.
Tumors happen. Unfortunately to lots of people. But the ones who can stare it in the face and say Fuck You are the one with the best chance of survival. And not just survival, but LIFE. There IS a difference.
All my best wishes to Brandi, Chris and all of their friends and family!!
bejewell´s last blog post..I Don’t Care What Dick Says, “Flexitarian” is NOT a Real Word
September 26th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
jenboglass (steenkybee) says:
I’ve given you an award at my place. It may be lame, but you aren’t.
jenboglass (steenkybee)´s last blog post..Hooked on a Feeling…And Several Blogs
September 26th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
manager mom says:
It’s great to read about people like Brandi and Chris. It makes me want to try and be a better person BEFORE I have a tragedy happen.
manager mom´s last blog post..Manager Mom’s Gallery Of Shame, Part 2
September 27th, 2008 at 7:36 am
janet says:
Some people are just beyond awesome. Amazing.
janet´s last blog post..
September 27th, 2008 at 9:14 am
X says:
What a story. You’re lucky to have them in your life and they’re just as lucky to have you.
X´s last blog post..I Had a Severe, Two-second Case of Tourette’s
September 27th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Carrie says:
Wow, what an amazing survival story! I am constantly in awe of people who move mountains like that, as I lost my grandfather to a brain tumor nineteen years ago.
Carrie´s last blog post..Helpless
September 27th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Captain Steve says:
That is. . . amazing.
September 27th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
madonna says:
Yesterday was HEADRUSH~ you are right~ it is an amazing day of reflection, fun, great friends and family. Thank you for all YOU have done for HEADRUSH and the people it touches. Great strides are being made in brain tumor research~ grass roots groups like this DO make a difference. Chris is our amazing son and Brandi our more than amazing daughter in law. thank you for caring to write about them and what they do~ they are are a gift from God and an inspiration to us all. it was a fabulous day~ xo Madonna Williams(to further confuse everyone~ chris took brandi’s last name”Funk” when they were married~ she was the youngest in a family of all girls~ and chris felt the “Funk” name would be lost~ in his gracious way, this was his way of honoring his wife by taking her name~ he is and always will be a very special guy.)
September 28th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Xbox4NappyRash says:
Magic.
Sound like quite special people.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog post..Exasperated Ellie
September 30th, 2008 at 12:57 am
chanda says:
It continually amazes me; the strength of human spirit, and the healing power of love and family. This was a beautiful story and a worthy cause, thank you for sharing your friend’s story with us. I hope this years Headrush was a success!
chanda´s last blog post..I went all the way to Rhode Island …..
October 1st, 2008 at 9:00 am
amy says:
that rocked my world. I am sitting here in awe of people. awe. Thank you for giving me that story. I needed it today. xo
amy´s last blog post..Your knife will fall out of its sheath
October 1st, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Mrs. Kitty says:
I just read this (catching up on blogging), but I had to comment. This is an amazing story. I love knowing their are good people out there fighting the good fight.
A friend of mine lost her cousin several years ago when she was only 6 years old. After the diagnosis, she departing a mere 6 weeks later. So tragic.
This was a beautiful post.
Mrs. Kitty´s last blog post..Date Night with the Hollyweirds
October 6th, 2008 at 11:37 am
viv says:
just found your blog and I find this story amazing. Last year, My uncle died of a brain tumor (glioblastoma grade 4). After he was diagnosed with the tumor he died 2 months later…I started tearing as I read your story becuase and I am happy that one family has won the battle against cancer. And I love the fact that they are raising money for this cause.
viv´s last blog post..it’s chilly out
October 7th, 2008 at 1:10 pm