Because I can’t afford to lose readers EVERY day….
When I was a kid, I was snooping around my father’s office and found a newly-purchased book about gifted children. Naturally, I assumed he was trying to understand his enigmatic daughter. For three full days I was flying higher than Willie until I mentioned it to dad, and he told me he’d actually bought it to learn more about himself. That he was the gifted one, the one who’d skipped third grade and all. Lesson painfully learned? When you’ve got it in your head how great you are, never allow others the opportunity to open their mouths in your presence. This nugget of wisdom has served me well over the years, at least when I’ve remembered it. Which is basically never.
My last post has left me exhausted, exhilarated, and mildly panicky. I never expected such a response, both in quantity and quality. I don’t know exactly how many readers I lost, but it looks like I actually gained one, and I was only dropped from one blogroll that I know of. Oh, and I pissed off someone in Massachusetts BIG TIME, but I don’t think that person had ever visited before. My money says they damn sure won’t again, ha!
All in a day’s work.
In other news, I was tagged for a meme today by the supercool Well Read Hostess, and for once, I actually felt like doing it — partly to lighten things up around here, and partly to change the subject. I mean, nobody will leave a hateful anonymous comment on a meme post, will they?? (Yes, Ray, I realize by saying no one will leave me a hateful comment I’ve just swung the door wide open for you. I can already see your bloggy head poking through. You’re like a monkey I just looked directly at.)
So that’s how this post started out, actually, as a meme. But then I felt guilty for responding to this meme when I haven’t to all the others. So then because I am an obsessive freakadelic neurotic I decided I would find all the old entries you’ve done that tag me for memes and I would link them all here and give lovely shout-outs to everybody — ooh, plus those sweet bloggy awards two people gave me many moons ago I’ll finally post those and thank them too! — and so I went to my “incoming links” thingie on my stats but then I realized they have to be current to find them all so then I launched into some major Google sleuthing but thank heavens I am having some sort of glucose crash that’s bringing on a debilitating and distract-able mood that I’ll just call “clarity” for now and I scratched that idea after about ten minutes. Then I went back to the original meme and tried to focus but I found myself answering “your mom” to like every single question and that’s when I finally quit. And that’s why you don’t see a meme here. But I am grateful to be tagged. I am. I’m just incompetent. I wear myself completely the fuck out. Daily.
But really? Thank you, all of you, for still being my readers.
Really.
Oh, and Dad? ;P
mamatulip says:
You’re welcome.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Sue says:
Where’s the meme? Dammit. I love memes!
What does my mom have to do with it?
(hehehe)
April 7th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Scott says:
C’mon and let us see the meme! Maggie, you’re too damn funny. I’m glad I “met” you via Jenn and Erika’s blogs. I look forward to your daily roll call and have laughed out loud as I’ve read some of your posts. My partner and kids have come into the den several times because they thought I fell off the chair from laughing out loud – our son now says, “Oh, he’s reading Maggie again!” Thanks for making us laugh, cry, do some soul searching, and sharing your wisdom!
April 7th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Dad says:
I’m not trying to be funny. I really don’t know what a meme is.
Love , Dad
April 7th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Maggie, dammit says:
See? You’re funny when you don’t even try.
It’s like… this thing. Like, a form or something. A set of questions and you fill them out and then you pass it on to other bloggers and they have to fill it out, too. Except when they don’t. Like me.
Glad we had this talk.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Candance says:
Uh, I’m glad you had that talk with your dad. It cleared things up for me because I didn’t know either but I was too ashamed to ask someone. I like your dad.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Lara says:
1) It’s nice that you and your father can communicate so freely.
2) That was one hellishly long run-on sentence, and it made me out of breath just to read it silently. (I didn’t even move my lips as I read it, I swear!)
3) I don’t do meme’s either. Or those email questionnaires where you delete the person’s answers who sent it to you, add your own, and then send to everybody and their brother and their cousin and their next door neighbor from when they were 10, as well as the person who sent it to you.
I hate those, by the way. I’m sure you couldn’t tell. But if I ever get a meme, I’ll be sure to tag you. Just because I know you won’t do it out of guilt and I think guilt is really highly overrated.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Ray says:
Meme was the name of our families Jack Russell terrier when I was a kid. Golly, I did love that dog.
Unfortunately, my mom sold her to an animal research place, because she said she needed the $15 to help pay for my therapy. See, we never had much money, because dad was a monkey trainer in the circus and the work was seasonal.
Long story short, you’re pushing all the wrong buttons with me, which is why I don’t even read this blog, as I think I pointed out when I didn’t read it yesterday.
Or something.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Stephanie says:
I would’ve liked to have seen the “your mom” meme.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Dad says:
Thanks Ray.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Maggie, dammit says:
oh would you two just kiss already??
April 7th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Kat says:
See, I didn’t know what a frigging “meme” was either. I’m glad there were at least three of us on the planet, I was beginning to feel so uncool.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Susannah says:
Crikey that was exhausting! But still very very entertaining.
I, too, once found a book on my father’s shelf but it was a super dirty novel by Charles Bukowski and I’ve been confused ever since.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
findingthemiddle says:
see now, i apparently think and write in run-on sentences cause my ass didn’t even realize that most of that paragraph was one long-ass sentence. shows how much i pay attention to grammar (and drive maggie nuts in the process
April 7th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
noble pig says:
Oh geez I am just cracking up here. I love the tangential part of your head.
April 7th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Erika says:
“Your mom.” Dude–why you gotta be that way? What’d my mom ever do to you?
April 7th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Miss Britt says:
You lost readers over that? Sheesh.
I’m cracking up at the picture of a younger you strutting around to the I’m Gifted! tune.
April 8th, 2008 at 5:52 am
MsMVNJ says:
Isn’t it a bitch when you get your balloon popped? Especially when we think we’re smarter than the average bear. Loved Ray’s comment – made me laugh out loud.
I read and reread your post from yesterday. I’ve been conflicted for a while now about eating meat – but gourmand that I am, don’t take away my short ribs. I try to figure out ways to eat less meat, but it’s a challenge in my house (my one kid is happy with just vegetables and the other is a total carnivore). But I’ll keep trying. Keep up the great posts, Maggie, you’re a gem.
April 8th, 2008 at 5:58 am
Gwen says:
And I thought my brain was a twisted, frightening place. You’re funny, Maggie, but your commenters are giving you some competition. They, in fact, might be the gifted ones. Also. They are ALSO gifted. Like you.
April 8th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Maggie, dammit says:
OHMYGOD FOR A SECOND YOU SAID I WASN’T GIFTED!!
I have the best commenters in the blogosphere, there is no doubt in my mind. They really don’t charge me as much as you’d imagine, either. I think of it as a tithe.
April 8th, 2008 at 6:49 am
we_be_toys says:
God, I’m so glad you didn’t do a meme – I’ve really gotten tired of them. They’re like the antichrist of creativity, so I guess that makes you too creative to do one! ;P (That’s also an indirect way of saying you are gifted – you’re welcome!)
Thanks for the link – I had almost forgotten about that award, but I would “Mwah” you again in a heartbeat!
Also? Your dad and Ray are a deadly combination, but I guess I don’t have to tell you that! Oy – its like my dad and my husband when they get together – two grown men giggling is a scary thing!
April 8th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Captain Steve says:
You know, tithing is tax deductible. You should consider that. Oh! Or possibly, the Church of Latter Day Existentialists, claim yourself as non-denominational and a charity and you’ll be driving a Beamer up your mile long driveway to your 2.5 million dollar estate in the wilds of Wisconsin. Just make sure the pool boy is hot.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:20 am
shell says:
maggie, you are just too cute. and for the record, you will never loose me as a reader!
xoxo
April 8th, 2008 at 9:28 am
liv says:
never worry about readers. unless it’s me. oh, and cook me a steak. and would you test some make-up and experimental antidepressants on yourself before passing them on to me? that’d be great.
April 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Aunt Becky says:
I am so grateful to be related to you….and your dad! You two make my day. Oh and Ray too! Except I’m not related to him. Am I? Our family is so huge I sometimes forget names. Well if he isn’t related he should be…you should invite him to a wedding or something.
Love you!
April 8th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Chanda says:
Whew girl! You completely deserve whatever bottle of wine you decide to uncork this evening. It sounds like the last couple of days(weeks?) have been hell on wheels, and it’s high time to decompress.
If you lost readers over the last post, well, I say good riddance. How can someone get their britches in a wad simply by being asked to think a little outside their cardbord box. I’ll refraign from mentioning they all left on the short bus.
April 8th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
sspare says:
Clearly I’m gonna have to fight Ray for title of your Dad’s favorite.
(DO YOU HEAR THAT, HACKFACE?!)
Don’t make me bring up John Sarno, dude, ’cause I WILL.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
jenn says:
I especially dislike the memes that only give you two options.
Coke or Pepsi?
Hugs or kisses?
Sunrise or sunset?
Rum.
Doin’ it.
Sleeping.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Natalie says:
Hey, I only do about 50% of the meme’s I’m tagged for and it has nothing to do with how much I like someone. It really has to do with which way the wind is blowing that day.
The point I’m trying to make here is that it’s okay to cut yourself some meme slack.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Lori says:
Maggie-
I have loved your blog since day one. You’ll never be rid of me. In fact, I can’t start my day properly without a new post from you and one from Ray.
As for the meme, I just did my first one a few days ago and while I had fun doing it, it took up a huge chunk of time that I ought to have spent working. Whoops. Better not do THAT again soon.
One last thing – I LOVE your dad. Even if he continues to eat monkeys and eagles. And your mom is awesome.
Hellfire – every relative who posts is funny and witty.
You lucky girl!
April 8th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
hlawnicki says:
Hey, does getting dropped from the blogroll mean “go away” I just assumed you ran out of room…
April 8th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
girlgriot says:
I’m in a smack-down mood just now, so you could send that nasty (cowardly) anonymous commenter my way and I’ll happily give him what-for!
Did you ever read that sicker-than-it-had-a-right-to-be comic, Milk and Cheese? When you said you thought you’d lose readers with your last post, I thought of M&C swinging their bats at people’s heads and shouting “We’re you lacto-ovo nightmare!”
(Hmm … maybe I’ll make that a new meme and tag you with it: what’s the most totally random thing you could put in a comment?)
Obviously, you haven’t lost me as a reader, but maybe now you’ll wish you had!
April 8th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
karey m. says:
here’s how i know i’m reading a blog i love. admire. covet? i sit in the comments window for ages, thinking of something witty to write. then i panic. exit out.
so here i sit. ummm. i really like what you wrote?
dammit. completely not witty.
next time. for sure.
April 9th, 2008 at 6:57 am
Gypsy says:
Yeah, that’s like when there were flowers delivered to the office and I walked by and my boss was holding them out toward me and smiling like a goof and I said, “For meeeee?” all excited and happy puppy-like. And she said, “No, for me.”
Duh.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:44 am
jtj3 says:
Dude I’m addicted to memes (and to calling people “dude” all the time–it’s the last gasp of my youth calling as I approach mid-40s, but I digress). I read your post like three times going “Hey where’s the DAMNED meme???” But I get it now…you do one, you gotta do ‘em all…
Oh, and I doubt anyone would post a negative comment about a meme. I mean, come on–memes are like PB&J sammiches–who DOESN’T love a PB&J (allergies not withstanding)? They’re the all-American favorite.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Jeremy says:
meme /meem/ n. [coined by analogy with `gene', by Richard Dawkins] An idea considered as a replicator, esp. with the connotation that memes parasitize people into propagating them much as viruses do. Used esp. in the phrase `meme complex’ denoting a group of mutually supporting memes that form an organized belief system, such as a religion. This lexicon is an (epidemiological) vector of the `hacker subculture’ meme complex; each entry might be considered a meme. However, `meme’ is often misused to mean `meme complex’. Use of the term connotes acceptance of the idea that in humans (and presumably other tool- and language-using sophonts) cultural evolution by selection of adaptive ideas has superseded biological evolution by selection of hereditary traits. Hackers find this idea congenial for tolerably obvious reasons.
April 9th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Maggie, dammit says:
Jeremy, meet hlawnicki. Hlawnicki, meet Jeremy.
April 9th, 2008 at 10:24 am
arizaphale says:
I always wondered how it was pronounced.
April 9th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
hlawnicki says:
Hee, hee. There is nothing to get a girl out of a funk like etymology, Richard Dawkins, memes, and theories of complexity! With my consumption from grinding away at myself for the love of knowledge…I may become faint.
So I, obviously did my meme homework. Here’s my take on your specific “meme issues” because you didn’t ask: by avoiding a meme you are acting upon it (or the meme complex) because you are not selecting it. By my reckoning, you are doing this because the meme doesn’t contain a beneficial characteristic that is sufficiently desirable for you (e.g. promoting ability to connect emotionally with monkey eating kin).
April 9th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
tysdaddy says:
“God, I’m so glad you didn’t do a meme – I’ve really gotten tired of them. They’re like the antichrist of creativity”
Does that mean the end is near?!
Maggie, even when you don’t have much to say, it’s still good.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
congressman says:
interesting
May 23rd, 2008 at 9:53 am