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New Design, Take Two

Let’s try this one more time! It’s Sam @ Temptation Designs!.

Sorry, I jumped the gun and put the design live while I was still working out bugs. I didn’t mean to freak y’all out!

[You can spank me if you must.]

Now, Maggie wants to know:  What do you guys think of my new design?

Srsly. She asked me to ask you - which kinda feels a little weird cuz you know when someone asks if they look fat in this and you really don’t want them to tell you the truth, even though you kinda do?

Ya, kinda feels like that.

But tell her. She needs to know.

Or she’ll keep bugging me.

♥ Sam

Oh!

And because I have the keys to Maggie’s house, I just can’t leave without violating her.

(By the way, Maggie? Your box of wine is empty. BWahahahaha!)

Isn’t she stinkin’ cute!!?

My dearest Maggie. I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

DISCLAIMER: If you hire me, remember not to send me a grade five picture while I have keys to your palace. But I know Maggie can take it. Well, I think she can.

(God, I hope I didn’t make her CRY!)

Enjoy your weekend peeps!

[Maggie, please don't kick my ass.]

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Bats all up in my belfry: Twitter, the expanded edition

Here is the problem with having priorities: When a probably-rabid bat flies into your bedroom and holds you hostage until 1:20am, but you’re in the middle of several work deadlines? You don’t get to blog about it until 6pm the next day. And believe me, people, that’s torture. Pure torture.

Those who follow me on Twitter are already aware that the Casa de Dammit experienced a bit of bat trauma late last night. I was lying in bed, curled up with the fourth volume in that misogynistic mouthful of candy corn that *is* the Twilight series — (If I’ve lost you already, this is the young adult series about vampires and werewolves that’s sweeping the nation) — so when Dave, lying beside me, suddenly said, “What the hell was that?” and I looked up to see a bat? Like, in my bedroom? For all I knew, it was a figment of my imagination. For all I knew, I was in rainy Forks, Washington with Bella and Edward and Jacob, not a care in the world but whether or not me and Edward were gonna do it. So it was a few beats before I answered him with, “Wait — You see it, too?”

And that’s when all hell broke loose.

Dave jumped from bed, ran to the nearby bathroom, and grabbed a towel. Me? I grabbed my cell phone.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Dave yelled. “HELP ME!”

“I AM HELPING!” I yelled back. “I’M TWITTERING!”

bat twitters

While Dave hopped around the bedroom wielding his pink Egyptian cotton weapon, my fingers flew furiously across my BlackBerry.

tweet, 9/3, 9:56pm: “THERE IS A FUCKING BAT IN MY BEDROOM RIGHT NOW. DAVE NEEDS MY HELP BUT I MUST TWITTER THIS. (Do you think it’s Edward??)”

The eerie juxtoposition of the vampire book in my hands and the unlikely bat in my bedroom was more than enough fodder for me to use in the blowing of my own mind. Dave continued to hop and yip and race about while I continued to Tweet.

tweet 9/3, 9:58pm:WAH! WA WA WAH! YIKES! WHOA! WHOOOOOPS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! DUCK! SHIT!”

tweet, 9/3, 9:59pm:OMG WHERE DID HE GO IT’S LIKE WHERE’S WALDO BUT WITH RABIES AND VAMPIRES.”

tweet 9/3, 10:02pm: “Wait, am I doing what they call ‘live blogging?’ Some did the DNC, some did the Oscars, I’m doing husband-chasing bat w/pink towel. Figures.”

tweet, 9/3, 10:05pm: “OMG WHY IS DAVE GETTING BACK IN BED WITHOUT ELIMINATING THE BAT PROBLEM? I DIDN’T MARRY A QUITTER, DAVE.”

So I’m twittering my tweets and Dave’s speaking in tongues to the bat and it’s slowly starting to dawn on me: Nobody is coming. Nobody is answering! Nobody cares.

As it turned out, Vice Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin was delivering her widely anticipated speech at the Republican National Convention. It’s all anyone was twittering about. If I had any hope of surviving the bat, it was going to be without any help from my Twitter friends.

tweet, 9/3, 10:08pm: Clearly all you people care about is the presidency! What is that compared to the Twilight saga reinacting itself IN MY BEDROOM?!”

tweet 9/3, 10:15pm: My bra snaps and you guys drop everything. But a bat tries to suck my lifeblood? Meh.”

tweet, 9/3, 10:20pm: Sarah Palin *THERE IS TOTALLY A BAT IN MY BEDROOM* Sarah Palin *IT WILL KILL ME IN MY SLEEP* Sarah Palin *S.O.S.*”

All of this twittering, of course, is periodically rudely interrupted by Dave’s demands to grab this tupperware container, grab that three foot flashlight, go here, do that, get the hell off your damn phone and climb up on top of the piano and hand me that thing!

Time passed like dripping guano. The bat evaded Dave for hours; all three of us slept on and off, confused. More than once I screamed and jumped three feet in my sleep, certain the wretched thing was crawling on my back, convinced the unsuspecting moth that fluttered past my face was the bat demon’s little sister. Of course, the neighborhood coyotes started up like they do almost every night, and as I lay there frozen listening to the cacophonous chorus it occurred to me that coyotes are pretty much wolves which are practically werewolves and oh my god why is this book coming to life??

And Dave was baffled, just baffled, that the creature continued to escape his hitherto unparalleled hunting prowess.

tweet, 9/3, 10:37pm: “The bat is the only animal I can’t beat,” says my husband, standing there in his underwear.”

That’s when my Twitter friends finally showed up. Angela Stockman was first, thereby bonding me to her for life — at least, what remained of it. Bean Hayden suggested I put on a turtleneck, and complimented Dave on his pink towel. Sheila retweeted me, which is the Twitter equivalent of an award (at least, in my book.) Nikki (understandably) became jealous of my time with Edward. Furiousball shared his Bugs Bunny expertise. Kat suggested I take a picture, prompting me to find my camera. Jasperblu wet herself (sorry about that, girl.) ShyTrbleMaker testified, Jim proffered some solid advice on windows, and Mama Dawg bested them all with her offer to move closer and speak bat. Beth was grateful I survived the night (thank you, Beth), Crystal wanted to know how Edward got in there (I suspect so she could replicate the conditions), Christina called it ‘classic,’ and Jen said, “Some people have all the blog luck!” which reminded me that I would most certainly take this story here, to the blog, if I could ever get some sleep, if I could ever finish my work tomorrow - and ohmygod it’s practically 1am so I guess I mean today! - and steal a moment to tell it.

And finally, finally, finally, at 1:20am, Dave bested the beast.

trapped bat

1:20am

tweet, 9/4, 1:23am: The bat has been secured. I repeat: the bat has been secured. Praise Jesus.”

As we drifted off to dreamland I was overcome with emotion for my hunter husband, my protector, my savior, and I couldn’t help but ask him for the thirteenth time since I started reading these books if he was a vampire and I was a human, would he love me enough to resist drinking my blood?

I took his answering snore for a yes, as the coyote werewolves howled me to sleep.

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What just happened here?

She’s at school after all.

I slapped my laptop shut after writing this morning’s sad post, and eyed Emma critically. We’d been home over an hour. Her color had returned, she was hungry, and her food stayed down. She was playing, running, jumping. She was fine. It must have been carsickness after all.

I called the school to plead my case; they graciously accepted.

I asked Emma if she wanted to go to school after all, expecting her to explode with joy — but instead, she froze.

After a beat or two, she said, “Yes? Yes!”

I was confused by her delayed reaction, but I sprung into action. She was still naked, so I grabbed a new outfit, saying, “You can’t go to school naked!”

“I dweamed that,” she said.

That stopped me.

“You had a dream that you were naked at school?”

“Yup!” she answered.

Could this have been part carsickness and part nerves? Is she old enough for that kind of thing? I couldn’t bear to think about it.

We kept moving.

On the way in she babbled a hundred miles a minute, “I CAN’T BEWIEVE I’M GOING TO SCHOOL FINALLY FINAWWY FINAWWY I’VE BEEN WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING AND I’M ALMOST FOUR CAN YOU BEWIEVE THAT CUZ MY TEETH ARE FALLING OUT ALMOST AND I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH THE TOOTH FAIWY WILL BRING ME MAYBE SIXTY DOWARS MAYBE NINE, I DON’T KNOW, THEY’RE ALMOST FALLING OUT AND I’M GONNA TELL ALL MY FWIENDS AT SCHOOL I CAN’T BEWIEVE THIS WOO HOO!”

I half-tuned her out, amused, but distracted; stressed, anxious, hurried, my mind back home with my work, the hours I’d lost, how crazy this day had been already….

We got to school and I snapped the picture and she marched inside where the teacher was waiting and as they turned to leave me she stopped.

She started shaking a little. Her voice came out higher than I’ve ever heard it, her eyes suddenly as big as the new rocks in my stomach. Fear written all over her face, a face on which I rarely see fear.

“Bye mommy.” It was an anxious, uncertain whisper. “Bye mommy? Bye mommy.”

And they walked away from me.

And I stood there, shocked.

And all my distracted anxious stress immediately left me, replaced with this hollow whistling.

I hadn’t expected this.

I’m going to try not to stare at the clock for the next three hours. I’m going to try not to think about her until it’s time to pick her up again, until I can see with my own eyes that she’s OK, until I can replace in my brain the image of her terrified face with a new, happy one.

Until I can see that she is unchanged, because I know I am not.

First day of preschool

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Not the back-to-school post I was planning to write, dammit.

Gretta was up and moving at 6:30am, unprompted. The scent of her watermelon shampoo mingled with percolating coffee, thick throughout the house. Emma was much slower to rise…. I should have suspected something then.

Gretta ate breakfast at the computer, distractedly checking her email and the Dizzywood blog she follows, sneaking in one last game on her other favorite site. We double-checked her backpack as she slipped on her shoes, then she led us outside to pose for the obligatory back-to-school photo.

First day of school

I gulped at how much older she’s getting.

Third Grader

She headed out like it was no big deal,

Headed up to wait for the bus

Dave left for work, and I turned my attention to Emma.

At this point, she may or may not have mentioned something about her stomach hurting. And I may or may not have ignored her, as the Big Day I’ve been going on and on about was finally here. Her first day of preschool. Nobody is sick on the first day of school.

I threw her in the tub, the only defense we’ve got against her unruly curls. I dressed her in the new outfit she’d carefully chosen just yesterday at Target. She finished her cereal as I loaded the car with her lunchbox, her napmat, my briefcase and purse. We had a 15 minute drive to school; I would take her picture once we arrived.

“They gonna sink I’m the coowest girw in cwass!” she announced, marching proudly to the van. I buckled her in, and we were off.

We made it about five miles from home when I realized her backpack, stuffed silly with school supplies, was still sitting on the kitchen floor.

We turned around and went back. Now ten minutes late and well past stressed, we set out again.

About two miles down the road now, her voice came weakly from the seat directly behind mine.

“I’m gonna puke.”

I looked in the rear view mirror just in time to see her vomit all over herself.

We turned around again. Back home, I peeled the puke-soaked new outfit off her, pulled the carseat from the car, cleaned her up, fitted her in new shirt and pants, and prayed it was only carsickness. She cried as we got back in the car, mourning for her outfit, worried the kids were already playing without her. I called the school as we pulled out of the driveway for the third time, warned them we’d be late.

We only made it a mile this time before she threw up again.

Defeated, I turned the car around and we headed home for good.

My appointments rescheduled, the carseat dismantled, clothes jostling in the wash, Emma stripped and tucked into the couch, she spoke.

“They gonna be missing somebody at schoow, mama.”

They sure are, babe. They sure are.

E sick on the first day of school.

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Gustav

August 29, 2005

It is evening in Wisconsin, the air sticky and still, not a single breeze whispering through the open windows of my living room. I am glued to my television.

2,000 miles away, Hurricane Katrina is wreaking cataclysmic havoc. Over the next few days I sit frozen before the sickly blue light, images of terror dancing across the screen. I watch helplessly as She decimates 60 miles of coastline, as She drowns grandmothers and children in their attics. As the levies break, as newly homeless people lie wedged like sardines in the stadium, as families stare incredulously at piles of rubble.

More than once, I curl up on my safe, undamaged sofa, and I weep.

December, 2007

Lance Myers speaks so quietly I can hardly hear him. I keep leaning in, keep pushing my recorder closer to him so it will catch his softly spoken story.

He is leaving his job as the sports photographer for the newspaper that employs me. It’s been over a year since the storm, and Mississippi, a state he’s come to think of as a second home, remains severely crippled. There are still 39,000 families living in FEMA trailers. 39,000 families in Mississippi alone.

Lance clears his throat; the newsworthy tale pours out; my pen scribbles furiously. Four weeks after Katrina hit, he and two friends collected 14,000 pounds of supplies from their fellow Wisconsinites, trucked them down to Pass Christian, to Gulfport, to Long Beach, MS, and set up shelter in the gymnasium of the South Mississippi Regional Mental Health Center. Seventy percent of the residents of The Pass lost everything, and Lance was determined to help them get it back. Over the next year he made monthly week-long trips to volunteer where he could — to comb the ditches for family photos, to pull bicycles from treetops, to feed and water and clothe and comfort whomever crossed his path.

It’s December now, and he has decided all the work he’s done is not enough. He has quit his jobs, and in a few weeks he will say goodbye to his wife, move to the gulf coast, and begin a two-year personal mission. Someone from our tiny Wisconsin community has donated a small trailer for him to stay in, and he will take a job at the SMRC, the same place he set up those donated supplies. Every day, he will work at the center, then spend his nights and weekends continuing to help Katrina victims recover. Every month, he will send mortgage money home to his wife of 38 years in Wisconsin. Every minute, he will ache for his family.

“That’s amazing,” I say, breathlessly, once he has finished. Then, “I’d like to do that.”

“What’s stopping you?” he smiles, a twinkle in his eye.

I think about all the sacrifices he’s making, and I know the answer before I speak it aloud.

“Nothing.”

Summer, 2007

Dave drives our van down Highway 90, a stretch of ocean-front road along the gulf coast once lined with magnificent old homes. It’s been two years since Katrina, but very little has been rebuilt — the clean-up alone took well over a year.

Along this beachfront drive now we see only the occasional shell of a formerly grand house; mostly it is cement slab after cement slab after cement slab. The air is thick with the ghosts of people we never knew, people we are somehow mourning anyway. I shudder when I realize the road we’re driving on was 30 feet beneath the water on that fateful day.

This is the second relief trip I’ve made since meeting Lance; the first was several months earlier, with three high school kids and one other chaperone, for nine days. This time, I brought my family — my husband whose skilled labor is far more valuable than any help I can provide, and my children, whom I wish to teach that life is so much more than Barbies and trampolines. I’ve shown them the pictures, told them the stories of the work I did here, the work my friend Lance is doing every day, but the ideas are too abstract, and I’m flailing. I want so badly for them to understand why we are here, at least on some level.

bathtub

So we’re driving that stretch of road and it’s getting dark and I’m getting sad and suddenly Gretta speaks.

“I just think about if it were the opposite situation,” she says. “If people in Wisconsin needed help, and the Mississippi people came to help us.”

And yes, she really does say ‘opposite situation.’ And yes, she is only seven years old. And yes, my heart swells. And I know she finally gets it, what we’re all doing here.

And then a 2-year-old Emma screams and points, and I follow her sight line to a towering McDonald’s sign, its yellow lights blown clean, an empty slab where the restaurant once stood.

“Mickadonowds is bwoken!” she wails, and I think it’s the closest she’ll come to getting it, too.

And I think it is close enough.

August 29, 2008

Lance’s two year mission is almost up, and he’s accomplished so much, impacted so many lives. He started a blog several months back to document his project, and I’ve been following my friend’s efforts closely — but today’s message is ominous.

Lance is battening down the hatches. Tropical Storm Gustov is slowly gathering momentum off the coast of Cuba, and plans to strike the gulf coast Sunday, maybe Monday. Lance is tying down his trailer, and he is headed back to the shelter he built for others almost two years ago, to take shelter himself.

I’m on my couch again, staring at the blackened television. Though its power is off, I can see the ghosts of the technicolor images from three years ago.

I think about how ironic it is that today marks the three year anniversary of Katrina, that Lance’s two years are almost up, that this Labor Day weekend may bring the storm that starts his labor all over again. At best, it will bring horrific memories for Katrina’s survivors. At worst, new memories will be forged.

And I can’t help but think about what it means, that I’m praying for the hurricane to miss my friend, to go elsewhere — because that means it will hit someone else’s friend.

And I know I’ll be thinking all weekend about walls of water that flatten buildings and dreams, about ocean breaks and broken hearts, about how easily the lives we build can be erased in a single, salty instant.

And I’m thinking if there’s anything I’ve learned since I met Lance, it’s that no matter what happens this weekend, they will rebuild.

At least, as best they can.

We will be back

And I hope they know that no matter what happens this weekend, strangers will come from thousands of miles away to help.

At least, as best they can.

Lance

*******

Ironically, one of my favorite bloggers — one I’ve only known a short time — lives in Pass Christian. Please read her story today and pass it along.

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